Trust Issues

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Sweepea
@sweepea
2 years ago
10 posts
I have always known I was different. Growing up, situations would confuse me. I would hear of people in trouble and would automatically run to their defense, do anything to defend them especially those that can`t speak for themselves. It would always be that I would feel a certain sense of accountability for them. There were times when I would get in trouble because of this. As I matured, my environment also matured. I soon discovered, I have the tendency of doing whatever I could to help someone get out of petty (to me) messes but later on get terribly hurt at the first sign of disappointment inflicted to me by my recipients. I know it is wrong but it is as if I expect something in return. I very, very seldom get anything back and that makes me feel empty. When I get hurt, I automatically shut myself out from everything and everyone that reminds me of the hurt. I habitually burn bridges and realize I have trust issues. How do I fix that?
updated by @sweepea: 01/19/17 01:39:13PM
Sweepea
@sweepea
2 years ago
10 posts
Thanks for the reply, Gene. I think i`m getting there (the choosing). I`m working on "not caring too much" to end up not getting hurt. It is refreshng to know I am not alone. Thank you! :)
Chay
@chay
2 years ago
82 posts

I am trying to think of a way to explain this. Dog bite, people lie, it is what they do. Unless the lie causes pain, then let it go. People are simply people. Most of them have no understanding of what you experience. Yes, you have to pick your battles. You have to let it go. You are doing that for yourself, not them. They have gone on with their lives.

Nonjudgmentally accept those around you. Understand they are simply people. Nothing more. Nothing less. Every day someone comes to me for help. I give them guidance. If they keep coming to me with their problems and no resolution. This is their choice. It may be they are not capable of what they need to do. Make sense? If they choose not to change their situation I can no longer help them. I let go and move on to the next person.

Change your thoughts. When you start thinking negative thoughts change them. Sound simple enough, right? Not always. Grab a book that will help you change your thoughts. Remember, however, that you need to change them correctly. For example, you would not say, 'I am not going to be sick'. Say instead, 'I am healthy.' Think about the positive more often and it will help you let go.

Nothing you feel is wrong. You have a right to feel disappointment. When I am hurt I shut down. Hey, fight or flight? I flight right within myself. You are just healing. Give yourself a break. Start taking care of you. Change your thoughts. Nonjudgmentally accept others and meditate. It is a thought. Seriously, this is your choice. If you choose to change your thoughts you might be surprised how much it changes your life. I am an amazingly happy person. That doesn't mean bad things don't happen, but when it does it is okay.

I sincerely hope this helps and makes sense. I wish you light and love.

Embrace your empathness.

Sweepea
@sweepea
2 years ago
10 posts
Hi, Chay. I felt an overwhelming warmth just reading through your reply. Thank you for the assurance that I am ok. That it is ok to feel all of these things. I feel your happiness and am encouraged to embrace my empathness. Things have changed since I came across being an empath 2 days ago. I knew this year was going to be a reinvention of myself. I am finding answers and you are right to say I am healing. What a happy thought! Thank you for taking time to share your thoughts. I am taking note. :)
Chay
@chay
2 years ago
82 posts

Thank you! I appreciate your response. If you have questions, then just let me know.

Equus Aquarius
@equus-aquarius
2 years ago
184 posts

Hi <Sweetpea,

I genuinely feel your pain - I am trying to deal with the same issue right now, too - because we expect so much of ourselves, we expect so much from other people, unrealistically, I might add, and then end up very heartbroken and disappointed:(

We take everything very personally because everything affects us, yet we have to remember that the majority of feelings, emotions and situations we find offensive are not intentionally directed at us! They are the result of someone else reacting to their own version of reality and their own belief system.

While this makes so much sense, it is one of the hardest life lessons to internalize, but it is something that we are going to have to meditate over and grasp.

Sending you positive pink love light and positive green healing light!

Equus Aquarius

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
787 posts

Your loaded down with too many old....and new.....connections.....now is the time to clear your energy out....I myself understand completely about these energy connections....and how if they are not cleared regularely can create blockages....aches....pains....and confusion as to what emotions are truly mine.....at the same time I find it dfficult to meditate, and visualise.....creating bubbles of protectin gives me a feeling of claustrophobia. ...lol....I found though that severing the connections is not quite enough.....I need to also remove what I call links and hooks that stick to everything....I use a combination of a few things....to try and keep my energy clear.....but severing all....and I mean all....of the old links will help you balance yourself out.....even links to present day connections.....family....friends....etc.....give yourself permission to be ruthless.....it won't hurt them....and any baggage they're carrying around will stop coming through to you.....for me there's no permanent fix....it will always be an on going process....but I DO feel MUCH better......and now I can tell if what I'm feeling or thinking belong to me....or coming from a different source.....AND you must remove your OWN connections, links and hooks from them.....it can be a long process....but it WORKS....lol.....

Sweepea
@sweepea
2 years ago
10 posts
Hi Equus Aquarius,Now that`s another way to look at it. If I reminded myself other people aren`t aren`t really directing those hurtful things, it will lessen the hurt and frustration. I think I have started that and am civil to those I`ve had a falling out with. Please tell me it is ok to not feel totally ok with them. I am asking because although I realize I might have expected too much and ended up hurting myself in the process, I also feel hurt that people involve you so deep into their lives that I was under the assumption that we shared something special. My natural tendency is to value and care for these people too much not realizing he or she just wants to take as much but has set limitations in giving. I find it hard to be ok and act like I am ok. I get misinterpreted altogether. Tagged as someone petty. I hope I perfect the survival exercises and get rid of this bothersome feeling each time.Thanks,Sweepea
Sweepea
@sweepea
2 years ago
10 posts
Hi Karen,For some reason I can totally relate with that. I find myself disconnecting whenever I am offended. It does help a lot to spend time with myself and review my feelings. I only hate the part where people tay me to be weird or petty. I mean I learned to accept and get past by that but is there any other way we can be like the rest ans pretend all is ok even of it isn`t? It is the hardest thing, ever. Thanks for your reply.Sweepea
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
787 posts

Well.....this energy stuff is a huge topic for me....and there's not one satisfying explaination too it.....nor one specific way of looking at it.....I know by signing up to this site I'm opening myself up to people who have the same gifts as I do....in some ways I'm opening myself up to tne connections by replying to certain topics and people....it can be overwhelming to me because I not only sense the connection....I feel it connect...I hear it connect....and I hear what's and who is in the energy.....I know it's there....and I don't want it there....so I have to purposely sever the link.....I get so much information.....and I choose not to...nor can I support everyone else's energy let alone my own.....lol...anyway.....in my experiece the links we sever may not go away.....ever....or completely......that residual energy from other ppl.....places and objects stay around....linger if you will....there are many different layers and types of energy that can wreak havoc,,,,, with our senses.....if we don't learn about them.....I too get annoyed with ppl who seem trivial....or too much ego....lol....I have a bit of ego as well....I heard someplace we tend to dislike in others what we don't like in ourselves....lol....but...I laugh at my owm silliness.....as well as others.....I truly find it laughabe....after I get over being annoyed...lol.....

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
787 posts

Also...I think you know....pretending is a form of lying.....and if you're like me.....you're tired of pretending to others that we're like them....lol...it's a catch 22.....to fit in lie by keeping silent about my true self..or fess up to people who really don't want to know about it and alienate myselves that way...lol....the other day I was standing with a co worker feeling happy....when all of a sudden I got this overwelming sad feeling....to the point of wanting to cry.....I asked him if he was feeling happy or sad....I wasn't sure where it was coming from....he couldn't admit he was feeling extremely sad.....he IMPLIED it in a round about way that yes....he was feeling sad about something.....and he couldn't actually SAY it directly....I get annoyed with that....lol....but ppl do it all the time...I do to...it's what we're taught to do....boundries....when to cross...and when not to.....it sux....lol...

Equus Aquarius
@equus-aquarius
2 years ago
184 posts

Sweetpea,

It is absolutely ok to not feel totally ok with those people, and to feel betrayed because you felt like you shared something special, only to find out that these people wanted to take as much as possible and set limitations for giving. I am trying to work through a relationship like this in my life right now with another empath who I thought was my friend, and treated me like absolute garbage!!!!!

She was actually the one who recommended a book to me called, "The 4 Agreements", by Don Miguel Ruiz. One of the 4 agreements discussed in this book is, "Don't Take Anything Personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering".

This agreement makes so much sense and is so true, but I still have not completely internalized it yet-I wanted to pass it on to you as food for thought:)

I am trying to grow from this, but I still take everything personally, too:) What it can do for you and me, though, is help us to have an aha moment where we can pause, take a step back, take a breath, and remember that a lot of people are so deeply immersed in the personal Hells that they have created for themselves, where they are only out for themselves and don't really care how they affect others. If they view you as someone who can do something for them, they will do something for you. If not, they will take what they can and move on.

Not everyone is like this, but the types of people that tend to hurt us (you, me, other empaths) tend to lead this kind of existence and are black holes that tend to try to suck us in.

I don't think that you need to try to blend in like everyone else. I think that you should be true to yourself but should just learn and grow from this experience.

I don't find you the least bit petty or weird. I find you to be a beautiful, sensitive empath:)

Love,

EA

Sweepea
@sweepea
2 years ago
10 posts
Dear Equus Aquarius,You are such a blessing. I am amazed at how much we have in common and all this time, I used to get so depressed thinking why things happen to me that nobody understands.I feel for you on this whole betrayal thing and wish nothing but healing and love for you. Funny how painful experiences teach us the most important lessons. My take on this empath friend who has caused you so much pain is to remember you had the best intentions and have done what you could. It is still a great feeling to feel secured that anywhere you meet this person, you can look him/her in the eye and feel no guilt. Nothing else is more gratifying than knowing you have become the bigger person in a trying situation. I always remind myself this.Thank you for sharing me this very important lesson on considering other people`s reality before arriving at a conclusion. It has always been difficult for me not to take things personally but I believe I am a work in progress where that is concerned. I know I have made improvements and being reminded of this valuable food for thought is a safe place to go back to should something come up.I can sense your warmth and beauty and I am just grateful for kindered spirits like you who make this world a better place to live in. Thank you so much for caring enough share a little part of you. I am humbled.Virtual hugs,Sweepea
Sweepea
@sweepea
2 years ago
10 posts
Hi Karen,I am trying to wrap my head around severing connections. I have just recently discovered I am am empath. I am thrilled at the idea that there lots out there who feel and live their lives the way I do when I used to think get so depressed at the thought that I am too different and complex to be understood.Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I am picking up some things to consider that might help me deal with trying situations. It is such a beautiful thing to be free to express myself around people who understand. I know we all connect in the sincerest, most honest way in this community and that is just totally refreshing.I now understand the beauty of our uniqueness and I am grateful and happy to come across people like you who care enough to share a bit of yourself to empathize with me.Thank you!Sweepea
Equus Aquarius
@equus-aquarius
2 years ago
184 posts

Sweetpea,

Have a good 4th of July and go easy on yourself!

Thank you for the kind words, and remember that if you have said these words about me and we are alike, they must be relfective of you too:)

Love,

Equus Aquarius

Sweepea
@sweepea
2 years ago
10 posts
Hi EA.Happy 4th of July to you too! Thank you!Virtual hugs,Sweepea

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