Empaths and Fast Burn Relationships
updated by @couragethroughwisdom: 06/02/17 02:19:53PM
I would like to share my relationship trend. My experiences closely follow your description with slight variances.
I would like to describe the pattern that occurs in my relationships. They are as follows:
- Every relationship goes through the honeymoon phase. In my case, the honeymoon phase is the most intense, emotional, and powerful experience. It feel like pain when we are not together. Typically, we become extremely attached, rarely leaving each others side as the journey begins. There is passionate sex and intimacy. We learn everything about each other as we spend all of our spare time together. I have gone through this phase 7 times to date. I am addicted to the feelings we share, I can't think of a better emotion, even though it feels like pain when we are not together. Each time, the girl i'm with has not felt such an intense connection before. They truly fall in love extremely fast, as do I. I end up neglecting my responsibilities and cut out all others from my life. This is one part I regret, but at the moment, there is nowhere else I would rather be than with this person. This phase typically lasts for a few months, but since we are together so much, it feels like much longer. I communicate with her how much a despise typical relationship bickering/fighting/arguing. Inevitability, all of this rears it's ugly head...
- There comes a point where I feel guilty for neglecting others in my life. Or projects and commitments that I have. I start to bring balance to the relationship by have some time apart to see to our responsibilities. At this point, there is no way I would even consider looking at another woman. My personality is best described as a social butterfly. I love interacting with people, male and female. I expect my partner to have trust in our relationship and to allow me to be myself in her presence and out. For some reason, my girlfriend is hurt by me wanting to share my time with others. She tries to hide it, but I can sense her insecurity in our relationship. She assures me that i'm free to spend time with my female friends (as I have many in my life). But I know this is not really how she feels
- This insecurity typically results in false assumptions creeping into her head. She starts to demand I tell her my every move. Who I was with, where I am going, why I would "rather" spend time with someone other than her. She loses trust in me, without me giving a reason to be mistrusted. She starts to get upset when I choose to keep some parts of my life to myself. I am naturally a private person, especially when it comes to gossip. I choose not to participate in gossip, and I feel if I tell her everything about the people I spend time with, i'm gossiping. When I do not share everything, she loses trust. She assumes I don't lover her like I used to. She thinks that i'm out potentially cheating on her when this is the furthest from the truth. I usually can't stop thinking about her when i'm away, and often brag about her to my friends and family.
- Here is when the arguing and fighting begins. I can sense her emotions when we are together. I ask her to let it out, so we can get past it. She is usually unable to do this. Fighting, screaming, accusations are directed at me. I start to feel trapped, I hate being trapped. This is my biggest fear, I love to be myself and express what I have to offer to the world. I try to stay patient, but I end up fighting back, but with deep anger, frustration, and rage. This is not me, it feels like I take on her emotions and project them back at her.
- There comes a point where I just don't care anymore, I tune out. I communicate that I don't want to feel like this, and that if it does not stop, I have to remove my self from the situation. My warnings go unheard, by this time it is too late. Once I lose my feelings toward someone, their gone. When she realizes that she is losing me, the type of girl I attract react very similarly. They rage, then cry and cry. They promise to change and that they love me. It's hard for me to leave someone in this condition. Due to my sympathy, I stick around. By doing this, we are both unhappy. I am no longer the person I was. It is obvious that I just don't care to put in an effort any longer. This is devastating to her. Emotions and rage continue for a while. The end is typically a physical outburst on her part because she feels abandoned. I have had girlfriends punch me, scratch me, throw scissors and knives. Destroy everything in my room including the sentimental gifts I had made for her. I end up taking it, and feel as though my heart was ripped out of my chest.
- I decide to move on, but she continues to contact me in hopes to start over. I know in my heart that this is not possible for me. I still hear from ex-girlfriends to this day from as far back as 2000. Any attempt to try the relationship over always fails. The memory of the honeymoon phase is what lures us both back to give it another shot. In each other's presence, reality sinks in that that feeling will remain in our memories, and will not return in reality.
i'm really happy to have a forum to discuss these sort of experiences in my life. I am a reserved person, and tend to bottle up my emotions. I do not like talking about my problems because I do not want to burden others, yet I happily take on anyone else's as my own. This forum is allowing me to finally share my experiences. I have never met like minded people. It's a great feeling to know there are others out there like me.
Oh my, literally logged on for the first time and this is the first blog I've read. Totally where I'm at.
I meet such amazing people in my life with who I connect on such different levels with. Like you they are completely infatuated with me from the start, feel at ease with me straight away which makes them reveal their deepest thoughts and secrets. This then quickly progresses to me becoming their counsellor and as quickly as they come into my life they leave. Like ghosts they always come back. Loneliness or a bad patch arises and there back for a shoulder to cry on. I'm the hero, the one they will never forget, the different one, the healer, the special one, but never the one they want to keep?!
Everytime I get promised the world. I find it very difficult to let go of deep rooted connections so I always get hurt time and time again. I honestly don't think I can do it anymore, I obviously cant build healthy relationships with the opposite sex.
Is this it for me? Do I just help people to grow so they can move on and find happiness.
Can empaths ever find and maintain real love? Im just not sure. xx
Like you said, you were a counselor more than a boyfriend. With us, people tend to come when they need us and then leave once we have fixed whatever issue(s) they were having. That is one of the worst things about being an Empath. They're only drawn to us because we have such good hearts and they need us to help them in a way, but once they're done, they leave. It is horrible and it has happened to me more than enough. Honestly, I am not sure if there is a way to tell in the beginning. With me, I could honestly fall in love with any good man I think, because I look for the heart. And once I get so caught up in everything they are and how much I love them, the fact that they use me for emotional causes doesn't seem to register. It always hits a little bit later. Seriously, I imagine it would be better to be friends for quite a while and then fall in love and get married and things like that. But, with people these days it seems you can't really get things like that without the other person getting bored or only thinking of you as a friend. I am a super passionate and loving person as well, so this pains me just to read this because I have been there multiple times. Ideally, I would love to end up with someone who is also an Empath, I believe it would just be better and easier in the long run. Well, I hope everything works out with you! xxx