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Conny
@conny
2 years ago
28 posts

Hello community

I am a person who is constantly analyzing whats going on around me, what I can learn from that, whatI can learn from the people around me ect ect.

For the past months I am a bit stuck with a particular situation I experienced 3 times in the past 6 months...and I am not sure what to learn from it. So today, it was an idea that popped in my mind, to post it here and maybe get some thoughts from you guys...

So, the particular situation is, that 3 very important people (two of them are also empaths...) either left me completely and one just made a huge step from texting everyday to a random 'hey, how are you' once a week... and they all did that over night.

Every single time it was like a shock situation for me. I feel a bit like I am traumatised ...I always tried to talk with them, tried to find out what happened all of a sudden...but without success.

It began with my ex-boyfriend ... every thing was normal.. we of course had some differences but we didn't argue a lot ... it was not at all any clear to me that he was thinking about breaking up. he obviously didn't share his feelings with me, what i didn't realize that time. Suddenly I got a text (!!) in the middle of the night saying it's over... and he didn't speak to me at all afterwards... can someone imagin that... I couldn't believe what was happening. it was like a dream.... honestly...surreal...

second.... one of my best friends is an empath. He is a caring, amazing person. 1 month after the break up with my ex boyfriend I was moving back from Londonto my country (Austria). So we stayed in daily contact via whats app and skype. We were in contact 24/7 and we talked about everything, shared everything, ... and all of a sudden, without any warning, the contact went as I said, down to once a week and just superficial... I asked him, I wanted to talk about what happened...but he didnt wanna say anything... he said 'everything is fine, this is just how friendship goes...'

anyway...I had to respect his desicion in a way and well, give him his space that he obiously needed.

Our contact did never break completely and is getting more and better at the moment as well...

so, and 3rd... I met this guy, an empath... countries are between us but our connection was strong and real. you know, when you meet someone and you are just purely yourself and you just connect, you talk about deep topics straight away, ...it's something so pure and beautiful. It's one of these things you always think doesnt excist and suddenly... seconds after saying hy, you feel like you have known this person ever since.

suddenly he was going through a tough time in his life and I gave him space. I do understand you need time to digest... but after some weeks without even knowing he is still alive... he started to be present on social medias again and so on...I tried to reach him ...but just a few simple sentenses and that was it.

So now..... I am wondering what life is going to teach me right now.

Why do people I trust, people I truely care for and give my sole to, dissapear over night. It breaks my trust. It breaks me.

Why do people I think they truely care about me, all of a sudden kick me out of their lifes. How is this possible to stop caring immediatly for someone...

I have no trust in people anymore... I am terrified of falling in love again so much that I am not even meeting new people. I am not attracting new people obviously with all my fear and energy I am sending...

So, again.... does anybody have some ideas...some thoughts... I know it is probably really hard to say something as of course the short stories are not enough to get an idea of my situations. You dont know me and you dont know these persons.... I know it is really difficult...

but I just thought I give it a try.

so, thanks a lot for taking your time for me

lots of love to all

Conny


updated by @conny: 01/22/17 10:36:36PM
Suskusveis
@suskusveis
2 years ago
10 posts

All I know to say is to trust in life. Trust that those are the sole lessons for you to learn.

The detachment from ppl you cared about is the lesson to learn. To learn to be independent perhaps.

I used to attach myself to ppl a lot and I would not know how to be an independent strong person, but at some point life forced me. I had to stand by myself. I was detached from guys as soon as I started attaching to them and I lost slowly contact with the friends I had as younger, we just trifted apart as our worlds changed in different direction; we just didn't connect anymore. The few friends I still connected with lived far away and had busy lives themselves.

So I was forced to stand by myself and learn to manage it.

Perhaps that might be you lesson - learning to be and independent person, which also helps a lot in future relationships., because it is never good to be too clingy.

Conny
@conny
2 years ago
28 posts
Thanks for your reply... I can absolutely feel what you are saying... And it makes good sense as it is always a topic in my life that I am an independent soul and strong individual... But have trouble with being alone alone. Like I mean when I am alone but not because I choose to be... That's really hard for me.But you know what I am thinking then: what do I live for here on earth if not for the relationships in my life?! I know it's always the big thing about 'you gotta learn to be happy just with yourself' ... But I am sorry I do not agree with that. in my opinion this is a popular saying that gives a lot of people a 'goal' they can never fully reach.... I don't believe that because it's simply not in the nature of human beings to be alone. Ever since people made groups and never ... Never in history one person could survive alone in the wild... Do you know what I mean.So what is life about if not for relationships... And where does our generation come to when people make desicions about not caring for people and don't even talk to them about it an just leave...Do you know what I mean?Thanks a lot again for you message... I will defenitly take my inputs from that as well to continue thinking...
Suskusveis
@suskusveis
2 years ago
10 posts

I do agree with you.
Life should not be about being only about one self.

Yet for relationships.. I think there are things we need to learn before being in a relationship that is steady. And being a bit more independent, may be not a lesson to learn in order to stay alone, but a lesson to learn in order to have more steady relationships.

From my life I can say, my first long-term relationship - I relied completely on him and didn't have my own independent life and nature. He was okay with it and he was a good companion to me, yet over time, it drained me completely and I couldn't be there anymore, as I had imprisoned myself to one person and had lost my independence (not that he wanted me to, he encouraged me to do more things etc, but I didn't). And as a sensitive person, having yourself lost in one person will deplete you completely.

After that relationship ended I didn't know how to stand on my own and the guys I met next, I got too clingy right away and probably scared them away. Those were lessons which taught me that I can't rely on other ppl always, I need to learn to be myself and by myself.

Now I am in a relationship, yet if I hadn't learned those lessons, this would never work, as it is long distance and he is with a bit detached personality, so I just can't cling to him always. As before i would be going crazy, yet now I am smarter and can stand on my own feet and give some air and see how things will work. Not crabbing desperately.

Conny
@conny
2 years ago
28 posts

Thanks a lot.... I absolutely know what you mean...Thanks! :)

Suskusveis
@suskusveis
2 years ago
10 posts

Glad to be of help!

Things will get better. Cry your tears, but don't get too lost in them and don't forget to take care of yourself. Then right ppl will be sent your way :)

Bing
@bing
2 years ago
548 posts

Hi Conny

These are for you.

A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime

Forgiveness

Throw some love into the wind.

Bing

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