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christinab
@christinab
2 years ago
3 posts

Hi guys!!

So this is all a bit strange for me and just wanted to chat to some people who might be in a similar boat.

For the lastfew months I've been feeling really strange within myself.

I've always drawn animals tome but Iseem to have starteddrawing very needy, problematic peopleto me. Its draining as every single one of my friends (bar the ones I've been friends with since school) come to me with any problem they have, expecting me to resolve it/make them feel better. One of my friends has told me a few times she likes to be around me as she likes my energy and feels refreshed after spending time with me. She is very a very dramatic and angry personand feels that I bring positivity to her and chill her out a bit. But I leave feeling drained and mentally fatigued.

My boyfriend, who I have been with for 3 months, is going through a lot mentally - due to previous substance abuse and generalinsecurity problems from past relationships. He is going through paranoia, anxiety, depression, and a lot of confusion. I have also been experiencing this for the last couple of months and have had no idea why I've felt so low.

He commented the other day that he feels a lot more chilled out around me, then separately commented about how I seem to draw people and animals to me - he said its like I'm a magnet that people just want to be around me. The combination of what he's said and how I've been feeling led me to google....a lot of research later I have ended up here.

Now what I'm not sure about is that a lot of what I've read I can 100% relate to, I felt like I was coming home when I read it. But on the other hand there are a few things that don't ring true - I don't get overwhelmed in large crowds and I don't necessarily 'feel' other peoples emotions, I can tell how people are feeling and I know aspects of their personality without them saying anything but I don't think I feel what they are feeling.

I have always blocked people and my own emotionsout - since I was a child, I have never let anyone in or let myself feel emotions. I have always drank quite a lot as a tool to block things out but there's no real reason why - I had a lovely upbringing and have a lovely family.

The conclusion I'm slowly reaching is that I may be an empath and have blocked all of this out for years and years. The difference now is that I am truly in love (for the first time) and my boyfriend loves to talk and 'go deep' and has really encouraged me to open up....hence the shift in my brain.

But - I'm not sure ifI'm clutching at straws and am finding answers because I want to find them, if that makes sense... I'm not sure that it is though as reading all of this yesterday made me feel like I wasn't actually going mental lol!

Also - it scares me slightly.

Any thoughts at all on this would be greatly appreciated :)

Christina xxx


updated by @christinab: 10/23/17 10:57:46PM
OutOfTheShadows
@outoftheshadows
2 years ago
10 posts

Hi Christina,

Welcome. It sounds to me like you actually do feel other people's emotions... It might be happening in ways that you don't consciously realize, till later.

With me, I definitely pick up on a lot, but it's "pre-conscious". I'm tuned in to them in ways that my conscious mind doesn't process immediately.

As for being in love with your boyfriend, I have fallen in love with a number of people, only to realize that what I really loved was not them -- it was how I felt with them and their attention towards me. A lot of really messed up, hurting people have caused me a lot of pain over the years, and I always thought it was my job to help them, save them, make them feel better -- because I could. And they absolutely loved and appreciated how they felt around me, so I felt loved and appreciated like nothing else... which was the glue that kept us together.

It wasn't them. It was the dynamic -- how I felt when I helped them. Bottom line was, it was constant work -- and the paycheck was pretty measly.

People who are in desperate need will do desperate things to save themselves. Like people who are drowning will instinctively use those closest to them as "floatation devices", pulling them down into the water, so they can hold themselves up.

Our job as Empaths is to keep our own heads above water -- and preferably not let people drowning in their own drama latch onto us.

Be well. Take care.

Alison
@alison
2 years ago
71 posts

Hi Christina

There seem to be lots of different types of empath. I've known about empathy for some years now and I'm still confused as to how it affects me. LIke you, I can cope with crowds and feeling other people's emotions is not a main feature for me, though I do it sometimes. I think that I take on other people's point of view ie their way of seeing the world. It is confusing!

The nearest I've come to a description for me is compassionate empathy ie you can understand people's problems and feel compelled to try and help them. To the extent that sometimes I take the problems on as my own which is not good! People have always told me their problems and felt better for it so maybe this might make some sense to you? Are you drawn to helping/healing people?

I'd suggest doing some research. There's lots of information out there, only you can say for sure ... you certainly sound empathic.

It's great that your boyfriend is encouraging you to look deeply and talk about this stuff.

Hope this helps :-)

Alison

Emmy Long
@emmy-long
2 years ago
484 posts
This all sounds so familiar to me. I just got out of a 2 year long relationship with a drug addict. He was sober, then he wasn't, then he was sober again, then he wasn't again. Some people can change, but drug addiction is a hard thing to overcome. Don't be afraid to step back if things become too much. You can love a person with your whole heart, but you need to remember to love yourself FIRST. It was hard to leave him, I felt so guilty. But really, it was necessary. My whole life was put on hold trying to help him overcome his addiction. I quit college for a year, I worked two jobs most of the time, I put his needs before my own, lost friends over him. I'm not saying it HAS to be that way for your relationship as well, I'm just warning you that it can turn into that before you even realize it's happened.If you do choose to stay with him, don't allow him or any of these other people to use your energy. If you notice people doing this, don't be afraid to tell them they are draining you. Even if you don't tell them you're an empath, most people can still relate to being emotionally drained. Let them know their negativity and dependence are causing you to feel overwhelmed and unhappy. It's not your job to make sure they are happy. <3 I've been through all of these same problems. I let people take too much of me and had nothing left for myself. I have trouble saying no. But since I've started to do more for myself, things have gotten better for me and everyone else around me.
christinab
@christinab
2 years ago
3 posts

Thanks soooooo much for all your comments and thoughts everyone :)

Its all still abit ofa muddle to me, I'm hoping everything will start to make more sense over time, especially as I am now more aware of what's going on, so can try to channel my feelings more and make sense of what emotions are actually mine and try to control the ones which aren't! And block out those energy drainers!!!

For the comments about my boyfriend, I should have been a bit more specific - he wasn't a drug addict, he was a party boy out every weekend (for a couple of years) going to all the raves and house parties etc, and he decided he was getting too old for about 18 months ago, moved to Spain and changed his life - relaxed and stopped going out. He came back to the UK about 8 months ago he lives right out in the country and has no hint of his party boy life at all, BUT the drugs have had an effect on his mind which is why he's going through a lot with anxiety and paranoia etc. He's going for counseling and tries his hardest not to project it onto me - in fact he spends the majority of his time trying to make me happy and my life better. Obviously this doesn't always work as being around him does make me feel what he's feeling but I know he's trying to get past his issues so that's good enough for me!!

ALSO it kinda makes me think that I met him and experienced all this for a reason.....as I wouldn't be here without having met him, feeling what he feels is whats made me question all this about myself.

Alison I can definitely relate to what youre saying - I've always been drawn to helping people and lol yes always taking them on as my own!!!

Johanna - I hadn't considered a career in counseling but in all honesty I am basically a counselor for ALL of my friends so really something like that would make sense... thank you for your words about looking at the situation differently, I think I can use that as a tool to make healthier boundaries!

whats making my life so hard as well is that since I've been with my boyfriend I haven't seen as much of my friends and the energy drainers are giving me such a hard time about it, the way it makes me feel is that they need their "fix" of my energy and are angry theyre not getting it... am I being used? Do I cut these people out or try to create better boundaries and take it from there?

theres a lot going on in my head atm lol!

Honestly though - thank you all so much for your kind words of welcome, and the advice you have given! it definitely helps to know there are people out there who have experienced similar situations! Emmy Long - I have always never been able to say no to people! WHY is it so hard??

love and best wishes xxx

Bing
@bing
2 years ago
547 posts

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Hi Christina

Well, the good news is that you are here at the EC. The rest of the news is also good. You are definitely, 100%, an empath. I have sent you some links in my welcome message to you and if you click on the Dolores Cannon link you will find a number of books that you can download for free in PDF. I suggest that you start with "The Three Waves of Volunteers and The New Earth". It will explain a lot of the reasons why you are empathic and why you are here on earth at this time.

The reason that we draw people to us is that from the spiritual realm's viewpoint we "shine" very brightly. We are like lighthouses. We also give off lots of energy with this Light. Thus, we attract people who are "lost" or low in energy. Some of us also can hide from this world and its low frequency in addictions ourselves as this is a very dense, slow, thick place to come to. It is very important to take care of ourselves in order to fulfill our missions of helping to raise the levels of Light, Life and Love in this world. Burning out is a real danger for empathic people as we really care very deeply about the welfare of all living things be they human, animal or plant life. It is a common topic of conversation here at the EC. We wish to have the world come up to our frequency, but that is not always possible as people have to wish to help themselves as well. We can, thus, become unwitting enablers. We are here to help, but not to live their lives for them. I had substance problems in the past and the only way for someone to change is if they want to. There are a number of great organizations and programs that can help addicts of all kinds be it Nicotine ( themost addictive drug ), alcohol, drugs,gambling or whatever. There are alsoprograms for spouses of addicts as well which will educate you asto how to live with a recovering addict. If you think a therapist would help I highly recommendRationalEmotive Therapy as it will help your friend get his thinking processes back on track. Whatever you choosedo to you must remember that youcannot wish for someone to change; it has to be their decision to go forward intoa new life. They have to choosebetween a life with you or a life with their addiction. All addictslive and plan their lives around their addictions. Just think about all of the smokers that you know who share time together smoking on their breaks from whateverelse they do in their day.When an addict changes their lives around it alsoinvolves a big change in who they associate with. It is important that an addict realize that the only thing that he / she has in common with their "friends" is their addiction. Once that is realized, once that bond is broken, a whole new persona, a whole new life, then begins. It is literally like being reborn or given a new identity. These "friends" will sometimes get in the way of this new beginning and want the person to return to their old ways. This happens a lot with smokers as the now non-smoker will be urged by their addicted friends to restart their old negative habit. Expect some anger from his soon to be ex friends.

If he wishes to keep you, and a very positive future, in his life he will make the choice to give up this addiction. It will be challenging, but the lesson that he will learn from it is that he is worthy of being loved; worthy of feeling good about himself; worthy of self esteem and self confidence; that he is a good person no matter what he has been told by others in his past and that he can walk in the sunshine and have a good life. Some days will be more challenging then others and sometimes it is literally living from minute to minute just to stay ahead of the darkness. The lesson learned is that no matter what life throws at him he can, with patience and perseverance, walk in the sunshine, take control of what he is able to and then weather the challenges that come along right out of the blue. I know this lesson very well as I have been in that dark place due to mistakes made and events that I had no control over. He is extremely fortunate to have you, and your love, in his life and I hope that he realizes that. If need be show him this letter. If you are an angel person I wouldtalk to Archangel Raphael. You can find out more about him, and other angels, at the following link.

Archangels and You

Once again know that we are here for YOU and that you cancome here to the EC, to your fellowempaths, and always be treated with kindness, compassion and, most importantly, LOVE.

Throw some love into the wind.

Bing

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