How to prepare yourself as an Empath for future romantic relationships.

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KitKat
@kitkat
2 years ago
25 posts

I have been an Empath all my life and not knowing I was one have found fumbled around but found good coping techniques, some freeing, some neutra,l some limiting and some bad. Such as the going off on tangents with impulses. I am working on ending those now. I am happy to be single and no it is a choice now and not just a restriction now that I know what I am but should a romantic relationship happen how do I prepare myself now, as I don't want the negative aspect of being an Empath to mess up a potentially great partnership. There are the normal personality issues and idiosyncracies to take into account I know but in hindsight most of the problems have been poor choices in partner due or shutting down on a great partner and all this due to lack of skills on the Empathic side of my nature. Advice and shared experiences most welcome.


updated by @kitkat: 10/19/17 06:47:57AM
KitKat
@kitkat
2 years ago
25 posts

Thanks free thinker

I have had three serious relationships one was an introvert and I a young and naive hopeless romantic unaware of my Empathic abilities in the defined sense. She was abused by her father it came out the intense behaviour of this lady can only be described as Shakespeare put it a shrew and I the rescuer held in there too long. The recent one is a lady simple and uneducated but with a heart of gold. Comfortable for me to be around and love romantically but no spark physically. The middle one was interesting I think she to was an unaware Empath stronger than I more controlled but given the strength almost as undisciplined as myself. She obviously saw we were the same even though we both had no idea what Empath meant. Her need for this deep intimate connection which I realise now she as an Empath could only get from another Empath was counter productive it just drove me into a shell yet the deep love and understanding I had for her was to be expected as we were both Empaths. Unfortunately, unskilled so I guess Empaths can if balanced make the ideal partners but if one or both are unskilled disaster. I want to thank her she taught me a lot about myself. Apologise for any typos here I ventured out for Saint Patrick's Day as I knew the crowd and had a great time and as an Irishman had plenty to drink today. Shame on me though even though crowds are hard for Empaths but I should be a proper Irishman to quote Bill Murray a fellow Irishman he is a true Irishman because he takes St Patricks as his night off from drinking and drinks the other 364. Wishing every Irish person in our community a happy St Patrick's Day Eireann Go Brea! Wishing Freethinker happiness and good luck and thanks for sharing

KitKat
@kitkat
2 years ago
25 posts

Thanks what you said is a something I keep forgetting that their love I can end up feeling and think its mine. For I to was not always the one making the first move. Thank you for that perspective.

KitKat
@kitkat
2 years ago
25 posts

Thanks Sshh

I will put your advice in practise. My main concerns is reaching that point when having put all of your advice into action. I make the decision: Yes this person respects my boundaries is the real deal and I still clam up on the intimacy side of things. I am amazing with friendships and picking safe people and completely let my guard down with no ill affects. It's the physical aspects of romantic relationships that is the problem. I give for them and when they sincerely give to me but they have told me they feel I shut off inevitably I distance. I am still tactile and loving but it stops outside the bedroom. I don't know if this is fear of past experiences or that I will not only feel my intimate experiences but also there's and its pleasurable but too intense. Or I feel nothing from them and wonder are they not really connected with me or when it comes to sex like a lot of people out their that can really love you sex has become to them...how shall I put it...purely animal or mechanical...or am I shutting off again because I am frightened of what I might discover, drive the long term wedge in and miss out on someone who really cares? Does that make any sense? I guess what I am saying is I can get them to respect the boundaries and all the things you said but at some stage will want to test the long game and use my abilities to really see. Also, it could be a case I have learned to armour myself so instinctively in this area I am going to need to work on it and that inevitably will require the understanding of my partner. Perhaps that is the test for them I can see how willing patient and tender they can be in the process and that should gradually allow me to let my guard down...have I just come up with another reasonable answer here. Which is exactly like yours Sshh but applied to finer and slightly slower progress as it nears a stronger commitment.

Again thanks for the advice and like you said in your last paragraph I have to tune that advice to my path and of course their is no precise and perfect way that works for every scenario...but slow and steady wins the race as the expression goes.

KitKat
@kitkat
2 years ago
25 posts

Hi Sshh

Thanks many rapid awakenings since I put this topic up. The wall is crumbling a a frightening but accepting this is good for me way. Yes, some of the wall is something in the past but some of it is the intensity of the positive feelings when I have them for someone. I am getting used to each day even as the feelings grow strong and come out just for my work colleagues and friends let alone a life partner. I am sure by then I will have opened up and handle this. The wall mainly that the positive feeling are quite intense. Your heck comment made me laugh, your so right. I am happy to be alone so not to worry I am not pushing myself but now the damn is bursting it is quite a rush (in an awesome way). I have realised from the accidental projecting of all this joy that it has impacted those around me. I have been verbal about it of course but people are sensing it I haven't even spoken to and the feedback I am getting has shown me that even with the wall up and my Empath lows people still had a higher opinion of me than I realised and I am not doing the Empath thing and feeling awkward about the compliments, I'm a little worried I might be coming off as a positive Narcissist temporarily.LOL

I lost sight of the fact we can be platonically intimate in all relationship forms. I have had student at the College I work for as a guard come up and tell me how much they love and they are so glad at the positive changes happening to me. I joked with them and said I must have been such a pain in the Butt with my lows and moans but at least I know why (recently having encountered the whole Empath experience by definition, always like we all have, known something was different) and then apologised. The response was almost verbatim from each encounter with a Student or colleague. They somehow knew something was different and could see I was a carer they knew just telling me to not be over sensitive or to stop running around helping out and wearing myself down would make things worse but could see the positive realities should I get to grips and find a balance. I could sense at the time and more in hindsight they found subtle ways to level me out. It's amazing they didn't have a word for it but new I was an Empath and that we are awesome people and some how knew and respected the side affects. They are even more excited that I am turning this into a positive and opening up more and being more intimate with them!! What you have said has been a great help though. I am finally being me but like you said don't rush and any problems come from working on myself. Thank you soo much Xx

KitKat
@kitkat
2 years ago
25 posts

Love and light to you as well Sshh!

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