I have a hard time having a regular job, too. I'm a stay at home mom mostly, but my my son is grown and gone and my daughters are both in high school, so I have more time for other jobs. I'm a writer for my main job and I do that in the mornings, then in the afternoon and evening, I'm an after school teacher at a school for financially disadvantaged kids and their families. I love all of my jobs, but if I had to do any of them for eight to ten hours a day like everyone else, I just wouldn't be able to do it--except maybe my writing job, but I only get paid when I sell a book, and we need more steady income than that.
I feel guilt also about that. We are so short on money all the time, but I just can't have a full time job because it would be too much for me at this time in my life. I've done it before, but much less than most people my age, I would imagine. I got sick a lot then, too, and I lost a bunch of weight accidentally and looked like a skeleton--and had about as much health and energy and vitality as a skeleton as well. I also had demanding church callings and jobs at the same time--plus my husband was in law school and worked out of state for the summers, so I was a single mom of three with a full time job and a summer camp to run at church and sunday school to teach and all that. It was terrible. Ever since then, I haven't had full health, and I get sick a lot. I know I did before that, too, but that seems to have changed things a lot.
I know all of you are right about us putting other people first. I know that's part of where the guilt comes in--and the sicknesses. I want to make the money we need to make it, but when I look at it realistically, my husband has two degrees, and one of them is a law degree. Our needs are small. We live in a modest house in a cheap neighborhood. I am good at budgeting, and our expenses are less than a lot of people's, but really, my husband should be making more money and using his degrees. I just think it's my job because I think everything is my job, and that's probably what makes me sick more than anything.