I wanted to take a little time to understand some things. When it comes to the big "holiday" season, I used to hate it. I enjoyed all the excitement leading up to the event, but Christmas was always a bummer as I wasn't raised with siblings and it was usually just mry parents and I Christmas morning, so though it was cool to open my presents, after that, it was like everything was gone, the fun, the excitement, after that is just a long cold winter ahead. Christmas itself never really held much meaning to me. When I got older and had kids, I sought the "Christmas" spirit by wanting to get them anything and everything. Some years were good, but more years were lean because of finances. I realized how commercialized the season was and how it often represented greed and high expectations. After working retail, I hated the season even more. The only thing that really makes Christmas for me is that is when my husband and I first got together 9 years ago and him proposing to me on the same night. I do enjoy watching the old school christmas specials, in fact, I find more joy in that then anything else related to the season.
My beliefs have changed, grown and changed again. I was raised celebrating Christmas, so I have a good idea of what it means to me, especially now that it is linked to my husband, but them I also wanted to follow my more wiccan roots, but I look at Yule and pretty much the same thing as Christmas, so yet, it holds little meaning to me. So this year, I wanted to contemplate more the Winter Solstice. Most people look at this as not only the longest night, but also as the time of the sun returning. I don't feel that energy, I do feel the energy of quitude and solitude and the Winter Soltice marking the night of the long journey through the coldest and darkest months of the year. I guess since I see less sun in those months, I can't grasp the concept of the returning sun,lol, but that's ok, because I enjoy the thought of the dark, cold silent night. It reminds me when I lived in Colorado. When it would start to snow, the silence was deafening, and someone in that dark, cold moment, I felt peace. It's not exactly the winter solstice, but since I working on that, I figure the energy is here now, as it is so close I can take advantage of that and use it as a time to prepare for some shadow work on the up coming months.
My objective is vision, vision for what we desire to accomplish over the next few months.
The dirt path now covered in soft snow windes through the dark forest. The only light comes from the opening ahead. In the darkness, it is silent, each step painstakingly slow. It's cold, empty, and dark. I can't see what is beside me nor I can see behind me. All I can see the opening and that is all I can focus on is getting there because I know that once I am there, it will bring forth the blessing of change. Step by step I began to shed what is left of my old life, my current job is the first to fall away. I begin to feel lighter, knowing I have to get there. Insecurity falls away. And then self defeat. I do not give these things a second thought. Failure is the next to go. I am so close, that opening is the gateway to my dreams, I must get there. All that is left is the knowledge of knowing this is where I need to be. This moment represents the last moments of December, the last moments of the life that I hold now, at this moment. The freedom I feel allowing it to all fall away. I feel so confident, so strong.
January to mid-January I am so close I can almost see what lies beyond. The last two weeks of January, it almost feels like a stand still, standing, waiting. The anticipation is so high. I want to keep going, I have to keep going, but something is stopping me, doubt. I see the number 3 and it feels like weeks. I am able to move forwards again in mid-february. I arrive at the opening between the beginning to mid march. This isn't exactly how I envisioned it would go. I think I screwed up. I started focusing on time, I lost my vision, my drive. I forced it and in turn made it more complicated then it had to be. I didn't prepare myself to accept it. I wanted to see what lyes ahead during the coldest time, yet I missed it. This doesn't feel right.
So I must start over again, starting where I first began. The light ahead, it represents hope, dreams. Again, I begin to shed my old life, starting at the beginning once again. This time I am holding a small lamp to light my way. I shine the light in the shadows, up in the branches I see an owl. His golden eyes so bright. I smile and continue to walk forward. I hear a crack on the left side of me. I shine my light, it's a deer. I stop and collect a small handful of grass that was peaking out of the grass and feed it to the buck. It's easy to see the magic all around when there is a light to see, loving, peaceful and warm. I am distracted by the beauty that is all around me at the moment that I just want to take my time and enjoy the moment. The opening calls to me, but I am not drawn to it as much as I was in the dark. I figure I will reach it eventually but it is not something I am focusing all of my attention on. Though I am content at the moment, it is not what I envisioned where I should be.
I realized that in the dark, that dream is all I had to hold on to. There was nothing but reaching that goal. It was the only thing that mattered. When I had a light to guide me, I became distracted by all of these other things and though I enjoyed the beauty of the moment and it brings such a wonderful feeling, it will only take me longer to get where I need to go. The first time was me in the past. Walking in darkness, setting my sights on one thing and now giving up until I fulfilled what I needed to do. The second is where I am at now, slowing down, enjoying the moment to moment and being distracted.
One last time, I am sent to the beginning. I see an Angel ahead of. The Angel glows but does not illuminate the forest. She is a beautiful light blue glow that illuminates nothing more then then path before me. I do not see the opening nor do I see the animals in the shadow, all I see is her. I do not question where she is going, I just trust that she will take me where I need to go. The steps feel effortless. Time doesn't seem to exsist. I follow her and in what seems in no time, she leads to me to the opening, the gateway to my dreams. It is a grassy glade, open and free. Everything and nothing exsists here. The sky is open and the stars shine brightly here. I am in awe of the beauty of this place. She gently urges me on as I am to continue my journey. I do not know where we are going, nor do I question, I just know this is my destined path.
I believe the message is to continue forward to where I know I am supposed to go, to not be blind to the things around me, but to not distract myself with it either. I am destined to walk a new path and I am being guided gently towards that path. I'm being told to listen to that voice within. My Angels are here and they are a huge part of my destined path. Things will changed, as fate demands it, but how I get there depends on my ability to walk in blind trust, listen to my intuition and follow the higher light that has always guided me, effortlessly.
By March of next year, I will be ready to fully transition. I am not being shown on anything on how it will come about, but I am to trust that March will be my time to transition. To focus my attention and energy on it and to not get side tracked with other things. I am also being brought out of the "winter" in my life and they are preparing the spring to come in my life. Just as the planet has seasons, so do we have seasons in our lives. I am to shed death and be ready for rebirth. My life will never be the same again.
updated by @angel: 01/09/17 12:44:51AM