I erased my post once and i think i regret it a bit, but maybe now I can fare better in calming the whirlwind of questions inside my head, and actually, they are not questions at all i am afraid, they are observations, transient observations just like the human nature I HOPE. It's really... there are a lot of things to be said, but in essence it's just one or two.
So what's up with the Fear around? Ok so it's not something personal anymore. I've become freakin' tired of seeing so many closed-up and rushed people around me, that have no spirituality in their life and who do not have any idea why they are here and what they should do. I got tired of the people that want to avoid instead of doing something, that think they can mimick being something else while in reality they're moving backwards.
I think I'm starting to realise why there are so many people obsessed by sex and similar things. They are so sad and down that this is the only thing that passes through the muddiness or creates even more. There are so many people that give up so easily and let themselves be influenced by the media and people around them I cannot stand seeing how easily everybody accepts to get depersonalised or deshumanised. And depersonalisation is a very bad side-effect of our today's society.
I'm currently in my "i'm staying in the dorms" period of life and far from being all cutesy and nice, i feel like my head is going to explode, and I'm so pissed of i feel like i should punch some people in the face and settle down things faster once and for all, no more words. I've never felt so many black clouds in a city before and i cannot help but hate the ones existant in this one either, and it's a capital for god's sake, and I'm so not planning to stay here, though i kind of have to cut through it 3 years from now on. And it's not easy to cleanse yourself either, it's actually the hardest part, and if you do something, if you are happy and your heart transmits that, people actually look veery surprised and it pisses me off once again. This is the worst of the things: the fact that people think sadness and isolation are more normal and natural than happiness and content. This is a problem of the place I'm currently in, and i do not know if this is a problem where you live as well. And these people are supposed not to be like that I wouldn't even run around the tail about this if i felt there's nothing under the surface, but there are so manyt things, yet... ugh. I'm so saddened by what is going on around me i started crying today again, for the fact that i have to socialise with these people and for the fact that i feel it: they have so much fear inside, and cover their inner voices and succumb to the noise around. My head has become noisier as well, I'm starting not to like it. Ok, that's the point where i feel a bit frustrated i erased my last post, because now I'm less outraged and more tired. WHY fear if i may ask? All my childhood I had an "inhibition" when it came to people. I'd rather have talked with objects, or animals, or people much older than myself who had good thoughts. As I grew up, i started seeing kids as truer being even though i didn't like them in the past. To be honest, i didn't like humans at all, and neither did i like apes& the likes, and even though i expressed myself through writing, painting, drawing, i just couldn't draw humans. I only came to aknowledge the human naure upon opening and reading things from a spiritual point of view and getting in touch with the fact that there are people who try their best to be better and overcomes their flaws. I met some really good people and I've grown so much that now I want to do good and help, not only people but cut through patterns that are ill. And as I find myself growing, trying to bloom, i see that the waters have retreated and the soil is deserted again, and i ask myself when did that happened, and why is it happening, after the "shower" i got, or after the short showers i get. I cannot stop but have a feeling that inter-human relationships are getting diminished (and no, the more you stay on the so called social medias the more doors you shut in real life, you know, the moment you step back from the technology that gives you a sense of inclusion you find yourself in a world of confusion, because we have become some slaves of the technology we mastered; with only a few exceptions) and less and less know about the true essence of friendship, of love... not able to commit, create beautiful situations or friendships... a shadow thought pops out and wonders wether things have always been like that and I'm grossed by it. If there is something that creates shadows, it's only our mind, and even if something existed in the past, it's only us that's bringing it again into the future, and you are free to STOP it any time, push the discouragement back, or torn it apart, channel it differently.
I think there is a problem with forgetfullness as well: is it me or people forget unnaturally fast these days? It's just that as time passes some people seem like they prefer to totally cut themselves away from their past, cover everything up, change their hearts, they think they move on, but in fact they just shrink? I do not want to judge though, what i know is that every time i judge something i will get to experience it at one point as well )) In fact this is one of the reasons i dwelved into occult things. It's like a missing key. And it's a pretty beautiful one from my point of view. I just had this sensitivity since i was little and it wasn't hard for me to catch underlying notes, hidden thoughts, unspoken impressions & the likes. But at the same time i had to live more truthfully as well and i've been criticised a lot for it, until i developped a better looking social shell. What I think gets across, but so do other's emotions. I'm also a curious being and i need to have mental stimulation, so this was just the good thing. And yet... i really have a lot of other things to learn. But i do not like what is going on in this society of mine, and what gets on my nerves are the people not doing anything... and the kids that grow seeing this behaviour as something normal, ugh xD
Yeah, just another normal end of the day thinking session..
Really, why is it easier to spread negative waves in this world and not those of love and care? Is it just habit?
the rhyme written at one point inspired from here, such an accurate vid about the current situation that i happened to come across :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XerOBejxoU
updated by @kate: 01/09/17 05:02:39PM