Are you suppressing your self-expression because you are an empath?

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Trevor Lewis
@trevor-lewis
3 years ago
273 posts

Those closest to me know that I am not particularly good at expressing my feelings or asking for what I want. My style of speech is often slow, measured and careful. This week I finally related all of this to being an empath.

***** I am careful how I express myself because I am so sensitive to how the other person responds. It upsets me so deeply if I upset the person I am talking to. *****

Next stage of my journey on this planet is going to include enhancing my ability to "speak the sweet truth" despite the fact that it may not be comfortable for either me or the people around me. I am truly blessed with having many tools and people to help me (and others) to do this.

I am curious though ... this seems like a topic that surely will resonate for many in our community of empaths. I am looking forward to reading your responses on this topic. Are you aware of suppressing your self-expression because you are an empath? What have you done to help the process of opening up? What other insights do you have?

P.S. I love this community and my continued gratitude to Elise for making it possible


updated by @trevor-lewis: 02/07/17 04:29:09AM
Trevor Lewis
@trevor-lewis
3 years ago
273 posts

Thanks, Sshh. Totally agree with avoiding the small talk.
Where keeping silent has kicked my butt, however, is in close relationships. Communication is two-way and I haven't been holding up my side out of fear of hurting their feelings. As a result, people keep behaving towards me the way they always have done (or increasingly more so) because I haven't said anything. My "reward" is that my resentment keeps building up until I'm recently feeling like I want to burst.
So I think I will be talking more these days! :-)

Trevor Lewis
@trevor-lewis
3 years ago
273 posts

"rock and a hard place" - yes! :-)

Trevor Lewis
@trevor-lewis
3 years ago
273 posts

Thanks Jen. Yes, your reply pointed out to me that getting this right is another aspect of what it takes to thrive as an empath! Another update to that document coming up!

Trevor Lewis
@trevor-lewis
3 years ago
273 posts

MCoons91: Totally makes sense! I've noticed that tendency to mimic others emotions while, in the moment, realizing Hey this is not mine! Good luck with your boss, sometimes employment just seems like the way the universe forces us out into the world to practice our gifts. ... On that topic, I started sharing about my background with my boss (that was quite a leap of faith, I can tell you, but I was being guided). Turns out he is as much an empath as I am!

Thank you for sharing with us!

Kevin
@kevin
3 years ago
20 posts

Feelings are energy. Often times I find myself so absorbed in the feelings of a friend that I forget to release or ground myself. Unreleased energy feeds on itself - that's when it becomes a problem for me. Usually I'll shut down until I can find a way to work through it. Sometimes I'll joke around to lighten up the conversation but often I find myself frozen in the moment, almost unable to function. When I speak my mind it's always a measured response. I think most of us hold back to some degree. Working through the emotions - that's the tough part for me although I'm getting better at it.

The Importance of Being Jonny
@the-importance-of-being-jonny
3 years ago
794 posts

Yes, definitely. I see and speak the truth in all things. I can be very blunt about how things are, but this is all internal because I censor what I say and how I say it to spare people's feelings. Given how I can say what I am thinking of how I feel, I sometimes am not aware of how I am expressing it. I do not wish to do this because holding back only makes things worse. Even when I am more outspoken and truthful, someone will always find a problem with it.

"You hurt my feelings." "You shouldn't have said what you did the way you said it." "Perhaps this was the wrong time for you to speak your truth."

I've heard it all and I'm quite annoyed by it. Given that I work customer service, I have learned how to assert my authority in a situation where I have a choice of yes or no. I do wish to better myself in this area. Self expression is something I struggle with greatly. I am always in situations where I should speak my peace to let someone know how I feel without them acting like I don't have the right to say anything.

Trevor Lewis
@trevor-lewis
3 years ago
273 posts

I totally resonate with that line "I can see yours....why don't you EVER look at mine?". Thanks Julie.

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
3 years ago
1,185 posts

What a great thread! Thanks for starting this, Trevor.

I can relate to almost everything everyone has said.

The one place where I differ, is I can no longer afford to care if I upset the other person, because nothing seems to prevent it. That is their problem. I've had too many decades of being as kind and tactful as I can possibly be, unlike the other people involved, who blurt out whatever they want, no matter how nasty, and expect it to be answered with love, yet I still have whatever Isay taken as some kind of personal attack, just because I happened to know something they did not, or answered a question honestly, and they do NOT want to know the truth, as someone posted earlier.

A mantra I repeat often is "the things others say and do will not affect me". It is very hard to achieve this, but I must, because I have become so reclusive that it is dangerous to my health. I am also surrounded by people who cannot think logically, and behave as if they are possessed or something else I've not encountered before. Friends tell me they are encountering the same thing, as if most people are literally going crazy these days.

All of this would go away if I were not honest and told people what they want to hear, which is what I see most people doing, but I will not play those games any longer, even if it means I am alone.

So, I have taken to doing what my husband, who is not an empath, does. He keeps his mouth shut when someone is about to jump off a cliff, even if he knows how to keep them from doing it. He says they want to jump off so they can come back and get sympathy for having fallen off. They do NOT want to hear how to avoid their latest self-produced drama, so I should shut my trap. To me, a real friend tries to stop you from unnecessary suffering. But people love my husband, who is so good at commiserating with them after they make the mistake he could have stopped, and they despise me for telling them the truth ahead of time. It's "kill the messenger" at it's worst. Keeping my mouth shut goes against every instinct I have. I don't know the solution.

Cheshire Cat

Paul
@paul
3 years ago
916 posts

Travis, you are a sweet and kind soul. No one has loved us more than the Buddha but he has been known to be stern when needed. I would suggest to you to get a chunk of Blue Kyanite and keep it in your pocket. That is the stone of communicators and of the throat chakra. I know because it helps me when I need the extra support. Namaste

Emmy Long
@emmy-long
3 years ago
484 posts
Yes I can completely relate to this. Most times i can let things go but if it's with family or close friends sometimes I have to say it. My best example is with my father. He's a loving man but he's also very critical and kind of a bully. In the past I would break down to tears and try to tell him how what he was doing hurt me, but I would feel how what I was saying hurt him and I'd always stop and somehow end up apologizing to him when he was the one in the wrong. I've learned now with him (and anyone I'm having an issue with) if I approach it with love at the forefront it tends to go smoother. If my dad does something that upsets me I always start out with "dad I know you love me and you didn't mean to come off as rude but when you say this it hurts my feelings". I try to let them know before I say anythig else that I know their intentions were of and that they are appreciated and not judged for what they're have did to upset me. By doing this the people I talk to tend to feel less hurt or offended by what I say and so I don't pick up on the hurt feelings as strongly and can say what I feel more easily. It also helps if I frame things in terms of "me" and not "them". Like instead of saying "when YOU said that, YOU hurt my feelings" I say "when I heard that it made ME feel hurt". The wording is less accusatory.

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