When I first posted in this Dreams group with a nightmare I had about a month ago, you gave me a great and very accurate interpretation and an encouragement to write them down and learn to read them myself. I've been doing that and it has been amazing!
I had been having nightmares for months since I started taking time away from my church. It is a very rigorous religion that teaches that if you no longer go to church or believe it, you have fallen away and lost your family for eternity and all that, but I felt very strongly guided to step away and unlearn much of what my church has taught me. It has been very hard.
My nightmares at the time were like little kids being crushed in detail and in slow motion by semi truck wheels right before my eyes, and my church coming out with rules like only blondes go to heaven, so if you aren't blonde, go dye your hair. All about my innocence and childlike faith being crushed and my church hyper focusing on irrelevant details that I couldn't fit into.
Then I started to have dreams like the one I had were I bought a beautiful horse farm with a herd of exquisite wild white horses. They ran around the green and golden field all day feeling free and happy and it was just so beautiful. Then I was hired by my church to take professional photos of some of the higher up leaders. They had them come to my farm and since it was so beautiful, had me take the portraits in front of the horses and the rolling hill pasture. It looked so odd to see these wizened old ladies in style-less conservative suits with stye-less fit-in conservative hair helmets sitting in stiff chairs in front of this magical, free scene. I know it was about my beautiful freedom with my new life, and me still trying to fit in my old life, and it is such an ill fit, it's absurd.
Then I started to have dreams like the one I had where I was telling a friend about my struggles with my spiritual awakening, and in the middle of my painful ramblings, he leaned over and kissed me. I knew that dream was saying, relax, enjoy, yes you are in the middle of hard things, but things will be okay, and they are okay now. Have fun and feel good.
A friend did a huge energy healing session on me last week and it put an end to the dark night of the soul section of my awakening. I just now entered a new phase of my dreams. Last night I dreamed I moved to a foreign country somewhere in Asia. I was a college student and I started classes. Only one day into classes, I got a call from a guy asking me to a dance. I was ill, not terribly, but ill enough that I knew I couldn't do a dance that for some reason lasted all day and night, so I said, thanks, but I can't. We got talking and I realized we had SO MUCH in common. He talked about his friends and suddenly, I had a flash that I really it in that country more than any place in the world. I hadn't had any idea I'd fit in so well anywhere on earth.
I really wanted to go to the dance with him, but I knew I couldn't handle it health-wise. I talked to my roommate, who was my energy healer friend and the person I started this healing journey with over a year ago. She said, why don't I just drive myself to the dance and stay as long as I can, then come home. I thought that sounded good. I called the guy back up and he was happy with the plan.
I went to the dance and I had such a great time. It was, somehow, intellectually stimulating and fun and all the people were the kind of people I enjoy being around most. I was just delighted. I realized that I didn't have the same rules I did where I came from. If my dates with this boy went well, I could have sex with him and didn't have to marry him. I could study and have fun on Sundays. I could really spread my wings and experience my life fully body and soul. I was SO happy!
I was still ill, so I had to dip my toes in carefully instead of diving in, but I was okay with that. I was so happy to be there and happy about all the possibilities before me.
Obviously that was about me being in the new phase of my life away from my religion and finding that I am the pilot of my life and that I fit in in this new place in my life. I still have some sickness in the form of religious programming to heal, but I can start today to enjoy as much as I am able. Seriously, this dream felt so encouraging and so happy.
In my conscious world, I am still on the fence about my religion and having some continuing struggles with it. My husband is still very active and I still say to myself that I will go back to my church when I'm ready, but my subconscious already moved on to a new country, new phase of life with new friends and new possibilities and is dancing the night away. This is very encouraging. Thank you for suggesting I record my dreams. They are a great help to me right now to see where my own inner truth lies while I am in the middle of struggling with it in the outer world.
updated by @sarah: 03/10/17 02:02:39AM