Lately, I keep finding myself smoking cigarettes in my dreams. The other night, it was so real that I wondered if I had gone back to a past life where I was a smoker or was on another plane and it wasn't a dream or something. It was very five senses and familiar and felt nice.
In real life, I've never been a smoker. I tried a cigarette once more than 20 years ago and after a few puffs threw it in the river and never tried it again. A lot of my extended family were smokers and died from it. I have always been tempted by smoking even though I've seen my relatives in their coffins dead from it, and even though I tried it once and didn't like it. I think it looks soothing and comforting and I'm a person with anxiety, so anything that would help me feel comfort is appealing on some level.
I feel like it is significant in my dreams, but when I look up possible meanings, they don't quite fit. It might have something to do with my need for comfort, or maybe my new life away from my church and away from the traditions I was taught, like almost a rebellious freedom. It might have to do with me putting away the cultural expectations of my old life and delving more deeply into my artist life that is more true to my nature.
I can't imagine it, for me anyways, as an all the way good or all the way bad symbol, but I think it means something. Any insights?
updated by @sarah: 03/02/17 02:36:00PM