Can you be in another's dream?

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Emmy Long
@emmy-long
3 years ago
484 posts
So for about a year now every few months I've been having a dream about my ex boyfriend. We broke up about 2 1/2 years ago and I have no feelings left for him and am very happy with my new boyfriend, discussing marriage and things like that so it's pretty serious. But I have these dreams where I'm with my ex boyfriend again and he doesn't realize that I have moved on and am with a new person. For example, last night in my dream I was camping with my family and my dog started to bark at something outside the camper. I looked out the window and saw my ex was camping with his family and they were eating at a picnic table outside my window. I tried to hide but his mom saw me and she kept waving for me to come over and eat with them. I tried to ignore her but she came and knocked on the door so I jut went with her. As I was sitting there with their family eating I felt so guilty. One because I knew my current boyfriend would be hurt when he found out and two because my ex seemed so happy and didn't realize anything was wrong. I felt this sense of panic and dread at having to explain to my ex that we were no longer together.The dreams are always something different but its alway the same feelings; guilt and panic. I'm wondering why I keep having these dreams and I have thought more than once that maybe he's dreaming of us together in these situations and that I'm sort of "in" his dream. Is that something that even possible? I want these dreams to stop but I don't know if they will until I know why I'm having them. Does anyone know what they could mean?
updated by @emmy-long: 06/09/17 03:07:02AM
Ecila
@ecila
3 years ago
898 posts
It is possible to be in someone else's dream but I don't think that's what's going one here. I thin it is related to your possible upcoming marriage and your subconscious feelings about that.. . not that there is something wrong with your current relationship...but something related. Do you have any other dreams around these dreams that might shed a little more light on the subject?
Emmy Long
@emmy-long
3 years ago
484 posts
I don't remember my dreams before or after these but anther example of one of them I do have. A couple of months ago I dreamt I was at his house and we were just talking in the den and he kept trying to kiss me and hold my hands but I wouldn't let him. He kept asking me what was wrong and I kept trying to explain why and that I was with somebody else but I felt so guilty I couldn't find words.A little background on the relationship. We were together since middle school, and stayed together until my second year in college. So we were dating around 7 years. By the end of it we were living together and he's actually the one that initiated the break up. We were both feeling it coming because we had become such different people. For the first few weeks after the break up I was a mess and he was fine. Then I started dating again and he just never did (I know this because we still lived together for about 7 months after the break up). Still hasn't as far as Facebook says. Then last year he called me randomly one night and told me he still loved me. I told him I didn't feel the same anymore and Id moved on. He hasn't spoken to me since. As far as feelings for him go I have zero romantic ones towards him. When I think of him all I feel is sadness for him because I don't think he's been able to move on.
Ecila
@ecila
3 years ago
898 posts

Having been together for so long and starting at such an early age, you still love him in a way even if not romantic. Maybe you just feel guilty about it and fear your new boyfriend will know. If you are sure you don't really love him, I think the dreams will slow down eventually, maybe after the old boyfriend moves on or after you are married. Knowing him at such an early age has imprinted him on you. I doubt you'll ever forget him completely...even in your dreams.

Emmy Long
@emmy-long
3 years ago
484 posts
Yes I'm sure I'll never forget him and there's definitely still love there, but just not romantic. Though I am also sure I'm definitely over him. I won't get too graphic but the thought of being intimate with him actually makes me cringe. My current boyfriend does know about the dreams but he doesn't worry too much since when I was given the opportunity to take him back I didn't. But you are also right that I do still worry about the impact to will have on my current boyfriend, I'm worried he does secretly get bothered by it some and I hate making him worry about that kind of thing.
Emmy Long
@emmy-long
3 years ago
484 posts
The only reason I feel like these aren't normal "ex boyfriend" dreams are because even in the dreams I don't like him or being with him.
Emmy Long
@emmy-long
3 years ago
484 posts
I will admit that I still feel love for him but it's not the kind of love you feel for the person you want to be with. I've told him this. He was "toxic" for me as a partner. He always made me feel wrong for being positive, called my beliefs stupid, and never wanted to comprise to make me feel happy where I was in life. He was jealous that I was getting a higher education and he felt stuck in a fast food job without even a high school degree. My family didn't like him because of how arrogant he could be and always told me I was wrong or dumb for believing what I did.I love him in the sense that I want him to find somebody and be happy. He could be really great for somebody else if he just learned some humility. But because of the past we will never be together. My life has gotten better ten fold since we broke up. I finally discovered myself.
Emmy Long
@emmy-long
3 years ago
484 posts
I like that idea of it moving through so we can get past it. That seems to really resonate since I truly have no desire to be with him. Not even subconsciously in the dreams. In them I never feel good about being with him and I'm always aware that I don't want to be. Thank you. :)
Ecila
@ecila
3 years ago
898 posts

Ok, after reading that comment above, I think I get it. The thought of him is so distasteful to you that you have some embarrassment, or shame...something like that, related to the time spent with him. (I remembered last night that I once had dreams like that when I was dating). I wouldn't worry about them. You could look up "cutting cords" if you want to hurry the process of getting him out of your system. Move on and forget him. He has chosen his path. Let the past stay where it belongs:)

Emmy Long
@emmy-long
3 years ago
484 posts
Yes I think you could be correct in the shame part. It makes sense because shame/guilt is what I feel in the dream. And it goes along with what DoorMA said about moving away from it. Putting it all together now, it seems as though maybe I'm going through this to move away from and let go of the guilt I have for being with somebody like him for so long. Thank you :) you've been very helpful.
Ecila
@ecila
3 years ago
898 posts

Don't feel bad. A lot of us have been through the same kind of thing. At least I did. Live and learn . . .hopefully we learn :)

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