By Christina Rogers, 2014-12-26
Commenting on another post, I realized something: The absolute hardest thing for me being an empath isnotpicking up other people's emotions; it is knowingbeforethem, and having to patiently wait for them to catch up in their own time.
My motherly/cancer/empath/healer instincts want to immediately help by sharing this new information with them. But often, they are not ready. People need to come upon how they feel themselves most of the time.
When they deny my observations, I often doubt my 'abilities' or what I have gleaned. I often find later, however, that they were just not ready.
Due to the commonality of this issue, I find that I am viewed as overbearing. I'm always teaching a lesson or sharing information I shouldn't in the hopes that it will result in resolution. Instead, however, they only wanted a shoulder to cry on, and to be 'understood'.
My S.O. has indicated that rather than focusing on solving everyone else's problems, I need to practice "Non-Reactive Listening". Just as if I were acknowledging that their energies/emotions are not my own, I must remember that their journey is not mine to affect unless specifically requested.
This year I will be focusing on myself. My body, owning what is mine and what is not, and staying out of others' business unless asked.
By Christina Rogers, 2014-12-19
I just lost my ish in front of the entire department,VP included. Can't wait for THAT meeting
They were all staring at me demanding I pick a white elephant gift while I was getting yelled at on the phone. (Our system has been down for 1.5 days)
So I tried to wave them off, and just eventually lost it and grabbed a gift in a huff and sat down. They definitely had one of those "damn! okay!"
I feel like I definitely must be the only Highly Sensitive Person at my job. They really don't understand.
It's like when I yelled at my coworker in 2008 and had to go on meds because I blew up at her in front of my manager. I can't become that person labeled "emotionally unstable" by them again. I just can't. I've come so far!
And all this right before our annual reviews.
By Christina Rogers, 2014-12-13
By Christina Rogers, 2014-11-28
For my part I know nothing with anycertainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream. Vincent Van Gogh
In place of being able to participate in Burning Man, I elected to try a recommended journey I viewed fromDan Hardy on London Real: The Hero Dose night.
I want to write out last nights experience, but it might take time. My head nearly exploded (metaphor) from all the knowledge I was gifted last night. As I cannot possibly fathom exactly who, or what I was speaking to for 5 hours, you will find my pronouns my flow interchangeably. Icantell you that the voice utilized to speak to me was my own voice or inner monologue, although there was an absolute sense that I wasnotthe one speaking to myself alone
The three main points:
Remember that free will include how you feel about any given situation.
That doesnt mean that you get to control the consequences of your decisions, but any decision that you make we will respond with a new path for you to follow
This means that its your decision to feel in control or out of control, your decision whether to pay bills and have a roof over your head, your decision whether to feel anxiety happiness jealousy or sadness
Which brings me to
The world and life itself, everything that you can see touch hear smell breathe is all a gift to ourselves.
The body that you ride around in, the emotions that you feel the pain and anguish the elation to love every bit of it is a gift. Think what the world would be like if there were no emotions for which you could process it?
How dull and lifeless would life itself be?
So youre welcome to feel sad, youre welcome to feel jealousy, and let your ego run wild; thats your choice. Every single day everything you do, every emotion you feel about a situation, is your choice
You have permission to be yourself
This one really hurt my head. We struggle all of our lives to find acceptance for who we are, for the choices we make, for the path that were on. Last night I received the ultimate permission to just live my life!
If life itself and free will itself are both gifts to us, it meanseveryonehas free will. It doesnt matter what you want someone to think about you, they have the free will to think what they please, and so do you! So you candecideto worry about what they think, or you can choose not to!
- They basically said that our purpose is no larger than to just go through life. And that is of itself, the greatest purpose of all! We are here for no other reason than to go through life, and we can choose how or when to appreciate it.
If you choose to be happy, you will be. Life will continue regardless of your selection.
- They said that we are all ONE. Every single hair, every single microbe on this planet, everything about us is all from the same.
So thats why war and hurting each other feel so strange, its because were hurting ourselves. But thats our choice. We can decide to hurt ourselves if we want to.
The universe (we) will adjust our consequences accordingly
- She brought up a point about debt, (that I could choose not to pay it.) Technically thats my choice.
If I want a life as a bum in a cardboard box, that life is there for me to choose. If instead I want to have a roof over my head, and I want to go to work every day, and I want to be able to feed my cat, that life is there for me too.
- I asked if I could talk to her again, and she said the inner monologue inside our heads is us. We are the ones who actually decided to let the inner monologue go crazy. And anytime that I want to talk to her I can because Imher.
I cried and laughed so much all night.
You have permission to be yourself
The ego is there, the fears and pains, and happiness, are there for you to choose. So you dont have to feel bad about feeling anxiety; you dont have to feel bad about looking a certain way. You get to choose.
I was even given the emotional explanation/journey of what happened to my parents and their divorce. I actually got to feel the emotions through the relationship of both of them and watch the storyline play out.
I realized how much theyve been through, and how much I really love them.
Looking at Kiwi (my cat) throughout the process the voice would say,Enjoy each other, thats what youre here for.
- I asked her, If none of it matters, and the pain is a gift, do I really need the surgery?
Well, that is your choice too. Its your little spaceship to ride around in. So you decide how you want to take care of it.
Its our gift to us, a way to experience the universe in a small pocket because its so vast and hard to take in. You can decide if you want to exercise, brush your teeth, and eat junk food or healthy food. You get to choose.
So the crystals, the reiki, the western medicine, theyre all just another choice. How do you want to take care of your body? Your choice.
- I thought about the sea. So I am the ocean? I asked.
Ahhh the ocean, Im especially proud of that one. Im proud of you too you know. All of you. A life is a big responsibility. And youre doing great kiddo.
Knowing that we each have absolute permission and acceptance makes it hard for me to be mad at anyone I was mad at. Its my choice that leaves me mad. Its all so brilliant. Self-fulfilling. Reproduction, DNA, microbesAmazing!
- We talked about wanting to be remembered, and our crazy over stimulated culture full of selfies and recording everything.
Why? Youre only yourself remembering us. And life will continue for millennia. All these human lives will be forgotten eventually. The only purpose of remembering a specific life is if it gives a lesson towards the ultimate goal.
Think about college. Do you really want that degree to matter that much? No?
Well so then it doesnt! School exists as a way to spread the knowledge between generations for future progression. But its not the only way. We have been telling each other stories for thousands of years.
It doesnt really matter why Stonehenge exists, or how the pyramids were built. They were. Someone chose to build them.
I think life is going to feel weird for a couple of days. If you think about it, I was just told that nothing really matters, because everything does
By Christina Rogers, 2014-11-28
To err is human, to forgive is divine
One of the most interesting discussions I have with my friends surrounds the strangeness one feels when theyre going through the awakening process. A lot of times you feel very between realms and are half up in the clouds, with only one foot on the ground. The sensationscan be confusing enough to experience, but to then attempt to explain it in human words can feel almost impossible.
Toknowsomething, not in my head through the words, but in my soul with no words at all is when I feel the most wise. The brain understands; but the soul, (spark, akasha/prana, essence)knowsa thing inherently, and without having to speak that knowledge into existence in order to validate its truth. Perhaps this is the ancient basis of the concept we humans have labeled as faith.
Im learning to notice the presence of both my cognitive computer-like brain, and my quiet wise old soul and understand how theyre not one and the same
An awkward truth has come upon me from this learning: I feel bad being basic and unenlightened sometimes.I also get the sensation that I am half in my body, half up in the ether.
The part of me that is half out or enlightened issuperhappy, as if it has been freed fromthe confines of being merely a dirty dirty human and all the humans nasty habits like ego and jealousy.
The half in or human part is evenmorejealous and egoist because it wants to join the enlightened part. Its mad.So conceptually, the more enlightened I try to be through all mysubstances, and woo woo stuff (reiki, yoga, meditation), the harder it is for me to survive in the world like a normal person.
Its been this way since the Retreat in April; Ive been trying to live half and half, yet always feeling out of place. Its been very very hard, but ultimately good for me I think.I had lost respect for being human. I took all my various aches and pains personally, and have always thought my body was holding me back.
I like this next picture for explaining my concept, the deflated body is my enemy: always broken, keeping me down; keeping me from what I COULD BE
The gift I received from Grandmother at the Retreat was to accept my body as my spaceship, my meat suit if you will. She allowed me to separate myself from the pain and experience it as simply a physical stimuli happening to my ship. In no way was I required to take it to heart every time something hurt. And for a while, I was thrilled.
Now that Ive been placed back in my body inAugust, I have toacceptthat Im human. My Reiki teacher said the same thing, I like Reiki, and like my head in the clouds sometimes, but in the end Im human and I want to enjoy a glass of wine with my Sex and The City
But anyone must be able to say theyve experienced a time when theyre so tired of their own inner monologue, that they just want knock themselves outso they can be in total silence, if only just for a moment or two.
Instead, I need to respect that Im HUMAN, and DEAL with that. Deal with ego, and jealousy, and bad things (challenges) that come my way, and my body, and ACCEPT my life. (Note, this previously said my lot in life, but again that is implying that my life could be somehow better than it is, and the point is to acknowledge that things are actually just as they are supposed to be)
Im IN my body again. And I hate it! I feel like Im being grounded by God instead of my Mom. I am simplytrying to label and live by those labels instead of letting things flow, and discovering different ways of coexisting.
By Christina Rogers, 2014-11-21
I have never been able to quite put this into words, as the language doesn't translate. My hope is that a community such as this will inherently 'know' or 'understand' what I intend, without me getting the words quite right.
Have you ever noticed that you communicate in non-verbal language with others? I don't mean telepathy. I mean more....similar to our ability to 'know' or 'feel' something about a person we encounter, that they did not necessarily intend for us to know.
The language of emotion, or perhaps the language of the 'clairs'.
I'm reminded of a scene in "What Women Want" where Mel Gibson hears Helen Hunt say "I didn't realize there was anyone else still here." and then he "hears" Helen's thoughts trailing the words that are spoken out loud, And I'm so lonely.
An after thought. A suffix to the sentence that was actually shared out loud for the world to hear, that only I can understand.
I find my ability to read these unspoken thoughts/feelings/needs/intentions make me feel as if I'm the only one who can read the green Matrix garble trailing across the computer monitor.
Only I can interpret the extra, and when I try to speak it aloud, people get uncomfortable.
I'm not sure what causes them to be uncomfortable. Whether I shared something I wasn't supposed to see (I try not to do this, as I find it's social suicide), or that they just "don't get it".
I find this effect to be extremely evident if I smoke MJ and watch a movie. I think I "understand the director or writer" more than the other movie goers. I 'feel' what they intended to convey, that so often gets lost on the casual viewer. I "get it".
Again, if I try to explain what the director really meant, I get a blank stare.
Am I alone in this? Am I just high? Is my ego so huge I'm making this all up to feel different/special?
I admit I want this to be 'real'. But I don't want it to be real for me. What I want is to be the human "Point of View gun" from hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy.
I want to bridge the gaps in human communication that are created by our egos. I want to make people understand that we all share fears, and hopes, and dreams, and pains. Remove the veil over people's eyes that their experience is any more hard or worthwhile than anyone else's.
Now I just sound crazy, right? Well there it is...
By Christina Rogers, 2014-10-25
By Christina Rogers, 2014-04-15
Silly I know. I love online quizzes anyway
Give it a try! http://www.empathtest.com/index.php
Are you an Empath? Take the test and find out!This test scores you on several categories, including: whether you are an Out of Control Healer, how well you use your own Empathic Protection Tools, how much you Unconsciously Mirror other people, and how Logical vs Intuitive you are.
You are: The Planetary Healer Empath
Your Total Score: 78 out of 80
Your Out of Control Healer Score: 10 out of 10
Your Protection Tools Score: 23 out of 25
How Much You Mirror Others Unconsciously Score: 15 out of 15
Your Appreciation for Nature Score: 10 out of 10
You scored extremely high on the overall results. You are definitely an empath.
You are highly intuitive and can almost always tell when people are lying. You may want to look into getting energy work and healing done on your second chakra. Usually people that need to be around water all the time have blocks in their second chakras. You love nature and unconsciously understand its healing effects -- which is a general, but strong indicator that you are an empath. You have a deep love and appreciation for nature. You recognize the sacred expression of all beings. You are truly wise. But you have a wonderful ability to sway and change the moods, energies, atmospheres, and environments around you.
You need to learn how to recognize and differentiate other people's energy from yours. Learning psychic/empathic meditation tools will help. You scored the worst on the "Mirroring Others Unconsciously" portion of the quiz. It looks like you have a tendency to mirror other people and their energy. This means that you give up your energetic seniority at the whim of the world's changing winds (in other words: other people are able to control or influence you too much on an energy level). You would benefit from learning to control your crown chakra and probably cord removal or healing work.
You scored very low on the "Has Protection Tools" section of the quiz. This means that your ability to protect yourself energetically is poor. You are like a psychic sponge. You would benefit from energy healing and empathic protection tools! You are a wonderful and loving person. You are also what is known as an "out of control healer!" You would benefit immensely from energy work and empathic tools for releasing guilt and responsibility.