Stuck in Body Experience
To err is human, to forgive is divine
One of the most interesting discussions I have with my friends surrounds the strangeness one feels when theyre going through the awakening process. A lot of times you feel very between realms and are half up in the clouds, with only one foot on the ground. The sensationscan be confusing enough to experience, but to then attempt to explain it in human words can feel almost impossible.
Toknowsomething, not in my head through the words, but in my soul with no words at all is when I feel the most wise. The brain understands; but the soul, (spark, akasha/prana, essence)knowsa thing inherently, and without having to speak that knowledge into existence in order to validate its truth. Perhaps this is the ancient basis of the concept we humans have labeled as faith.
Im learning to notice the presence of both my cognitive computer-like brain, and my quiet wise old soul and understand how theyre not one and the same
An awkward truth has come upon me from this learning: I feel bad being basic and unenlightened sometimes.I also get the sensation that I am half in my body, half up in the ether.
The part of me that is half out or enlightened issuperhappy, as if it has been freed fromthe confines of being merely a dirty dirty human and all the humans nasty habits like ego and jealousy.
The half in or human part is evenmorejealous and egoist because it wants to join the enlightened part. Its mad.So conceptually, the more enlightened I try to be through all mysubstances, and woo woo stuff (reiki, yoga, meditation), the harder it is for me to survive in the world like a normal person.
Its been this way since the Retreat in April; Ive been trying to live half and half, yet always feeling out of place. Its been very very hard, but ultimately good for me I think.I had lost respect for being human. I took all my various aches and pains personally, and have always thought my body was holding me back.
I like this next picture for explaining my concept, the deflated body is my enemy: always broken, keeping me down; keeping me from what I COULD BE
The gift I received from Grandmother at the Retreat was to accept my body as my spaceship, my meat suit if you will. She allowed me to separate myself from the pain and experience it as simply a physical stimuli happening to my ship. In no way was I required to take it to heart every time something hurt. And for a while, I was thrilled.
Now that Ive been placed back in my body inAugust, I have toacceptthat Im human. My Reiki teacher said the same thing, I like Reiki, and like my head in the clouds sometimes, but in the end Im human and I want to enjoy a glass of wine with my Sex and The City
But anyone must be able to say theyve experienced a time when theyre so tired of their own inner monologue, that they just want knock themselves outso they can be in total silence, if only just for a moment or two.
Instead, I need to respect that Im HUMAN, and DEAL with that. Deal with ego, and jealousy, and bad things (challenges) that come my way, and my body, and ACCEPT my life. (Note, this previously said my lot in life, but again that is implying that my life could be somehow better than it is, and the point is to acknowledge that things are actually just as they are supposed to be)
Im IN my body again. And I hate it! I feel like Im being grounded by God instead of my Mom. I am simplytrying to label and live by those labels instead of letting things flow, and discovering different ways of coexisting.