By Brittney, 2012-06-21
The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:
A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.
To him a touch is a blow,
a sound is a noise,
a misfortune is a tragedy,
a joy is an ecstasy,
a friend is a lover,
a lover is a god,
and failure is death.
-Pearl S. Buck
By Brittney, 2012-01-28
That's what I keep telling myself.
About a week ago my fiance and I broke up. Things were rocky to begin with and we were working on trying to fix things...though I didn't really see them as fixable. There's way more details in my Tumblr blog, but long story short...we had to move back in with his parents-who are justrommates and have been divorced for years-(before I knew I was an Empath) andwere consistently getting high to deal with the stress of being in a 3 bdrm apartment with two people who don't get along, a couple less than a year in, and a 100lb pitbull (who's really just a big lover and really lazy). We weren't supposed to have to dog there, we couldn't afford our bills because we were smoking our worries away...and that made it to where I quit discussing how I felt. Why would I want to tell someone how I felt when they would get angry every time? You quit talking after a while. Well, we finally got our own place (six months after living with his parents). Then we realized there was an issue-because he felt me pulling away- and wanted to fix it. We were working on things when I went to spend time with a girlfriend and a guy friend that we both graduated with (who was also an ex of mine, but we've been friends for years since). We all went shopping at WalMart and walked around. When confronted by my fiance, I knew he'd freak out beyond belief if he knew I had planned to spend time with this boy, so I told a half truth that we ran into him and gave him a ride back to a friends. When someone told him otherwise, he asked again so I told him the whole truth....that I picked Brandon up so Jackie and I could both hang out with him. Without another question he told me to pack my sh*t and get out.
I may not have been in the right, but I don't exactly see how this is justified. Deep breath. But there's nothing I can do but accept it and move on. I need time to focus on me and get things straight in my life anyway. I think Luke and I should have just split our seperate ways when things started going south and I didn't have much faith. It was no longer mutually beneficial for us.
Unfotunately, one of the major down falls is that I have lost two good dogs (I had adopted one about two months before we split, but had to take him back due to responsibility). Another thing is I do miss him terribly, but I know it's for the best. So all I can really do is keep smiling up and the sunshine, brush the dust off and remember that tomorrow is another day. =)
Thank you for listening, and hopefully no one judges too harshly. =)
Love, Light and Lady bugs!
By Brittney, 2011-12-28
That's about all I have to say after my blog session. haha
I am having a bit of a conundrum and would like some advice if anyone feels they might have some valid answers. =)) I would put it here, but it's easier if I just ask you to go to my blog and read them. There's 7 posts, but they are a little long. I'm hoping someone, somewhere might have a positive input for me.
Thanks to all who read this and my blog.
Love and Light,
By Brittney, 2011-12-06
Alrighty....so I haven't really been much of a "blogger" on here. I have started my own blog elsewhere, though. =) It's like writing a book. Kinda fun. Gives me something to look forward to. =)
Anyway, my update would be this:
I have grown to fully embrace all that I am. =) (Go me!) 'I am' being an Empath and LightWorker. I am in the process of shifting my life so that I am living solely in the Light and spreading it as much as possible. =) Along with learning all of this and working to strengthen my abilities, I have also decided to take a spiritual detour. I don't feel like I can follow my previous religion anymore. I'm feeling the need to break free and simply embrace what I know to be true about the universe, and I don't think it really fits in the lines of any one specific religion. Or at least not one that I've found yet. I'm still looking, but think I may just stay independent. =) lol
Sadly, with all of this comes a little sacrifice. I used to be able to tell my fiance, and best friend, everything about me....now I can't. He's aware that I'm an Empath and that I can feel other people's feelings. That's all he wants to know. He's an Impaired Empath and would probably put me in a padded room if I told him he was. He's not really the open type. But he at least loves me for what he understands. =) That's all I can ask for.
I have come to find out that not only is my best girl friend of 15 years also an Empath, but so is another girl we grew up with and another female friend we know. =) We're just poppin up everywhere! All because I came across EC. (YAY!)
Uhm. I think that's about it for now. =)) If you want an update more often, feel free to follow my other blog. Thanks for reading!
Love and Light,
By Brittney, 2011-11-08
Okay. Here's my first post. I'm not sure what to put or how any of this will sound or how long it may be. Just a pre-note. =)
I grew up being considered the "drama queen" of the family because I cry at the drop of a hat. I get angry, I cry. I get sad, I cry. It never fails to take me off guard, too. Also, I stress over the slightest things and have never figured out why. Though I have started to learn to "pick my battles" so to speak. My ma had to remind me that I can't worry over every little thing, and over the last two years (since I've been with my fiance) I've made the decision that I don't want to worry/stress over anything so I just give any worry I have to God and so far He hasn't failed to make a stressful situation turn a 180 and be a happy situation within hours.
I never realized growing up that all of this anger and sadness and stress that I would feel at times was nothing I was feeling but coming from others. I've always been sensitive to knowing when people are in certain moods and whether or not they're lying about being "okay". But I didn't understand why, at 13, 16 & 18, I would feel months of serious sadness that would make me cry. I never told anyone until later in life that I had seriously thought of suicide but could never get the "courage" to do anything for fear of letting down my parents. Now I'm very glad I never tried anything and feel selfish for feeling that way.
It wasn't until about six months after my fiance and I got together that I finally realized I wasn't alone. The years of feeling like I was a freak or chemically "off" seem behind me now. I do still struggle some days since I'm realitively new at it. I've only just touched the tip of the ice berg on the information of what it means to be an empath, but I'm trying to absorb as much information as I can. I've done what I can in the 14 months to try and sort through some memories of feelings and how things were growing up; trying to understand why/how things were. Though with that I'm finding it easier to just leave them in the past as those times seem to bring not so nice memories with them. But a fear of never facing it to fully understand is stuck in the back of my mind.
I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this, or if anyone will even read it. I'm just glad I don't have to feel alone anymore and I can start to learn what I can/can't do with my abilities, if I have any that I'm just unaware of and basically more of myself. I feel like I know who I am, but part of me is still lost or there's more to me that I haven't opened up/connected with yet.
Anyway. Thank you to whoever may read this and any comments/help would be GREATLY appreciated. I'll be doing more research, but it does get a little overwhelming at times. =) A deep breath and a trip to the back yard are usually the remedy when I'm feeling ambitious. haha =)