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25 Reasons to Laugh

By: Bing
Posted in:


It is said that Laughter is an instant vacation. It is also said that if you laugh twelve times a day youll live longer and have less stress in your life. Here are 25 little vacations for you to enjoy.

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say, "Because it's such a beautiful animal." There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
-Ellen DeGeneres

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
-Ronald Reagan

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

If you look like your passport photo, you're too ill to travel.
-Will Kommen

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
-Robert Orben

Misers aren't fun to live with, but they make wonderful ancestors.
-David Brenner

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I've finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
-Dave Barry

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want - an adorable pancreas?
-Jean Kerr

My doctor is wonderful. Once, when I couldn't afford an operation, he touched up the x-rays.
-Joey Bishop

I'm not going to vacuum til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.
-Rita Rudner

If you love something, set it free; unless it's chocolate. Never release chocolate.
-Renee Duvall

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
-Calvin Trillin

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
-Rodney Dangerfield

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
-Yogi Berra

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
-Rita Rudner

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TV's for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.
-Wendy Liebman

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
-Douglas Adams

I have an aunt who married so late in life that Medicare picked up 80 percent of the honeymoon.
-Don Reber

I hate housework - you make the beds, you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over again.
-Joan Rivers

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
-Henny Youngman

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.
-Bob Thaves

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food.
-W.C. Fields

Insanity doesn't run in my family. It gallops.
-Cary Grant

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
-Phyllis Diller

There, now doesn't that feel better?

Throw some love into the wind


02/23/10 03:33:45PM @bing:
Hi DinkyThat one was made by Phyllis Diller. If you have never seen her comedy routine here is a link to one of her performances.