By Angel, 2010-12-22
Hi Everyone, I wanted to touch bases with you on some things that have been going on latley. I haven't been very active here latley and Iknow some of you have requested readings and advice. I just wanted youto know that I haven't forgotten you,nor have I fogotten about thecases we are working on in the psychic detective group. I have beenlost for awhile now and have spent so much time and energy on focusingon giving readings and spiritual advice that somehow I left the behindthe reason why I am doing this and the source of where all theseabilites come from. I have felt disconnected from my God which carriedme down a darker and darker path. Nor evil, just simply losseing my wayand needed some time to figure things out on a more spiritual level.The other problem I was experiencing was no only trying to figure outwho I am as a "psychic" being but who i am as a "spiritual" being. Myspiritual beliefs are so broad and ecletic that it's difficult to growand pursue dreams when you don't really quite fit into a certaincatagory. The last few weeks have been quite a journey for me whichrequired alot of soul searching, trying new things out. One of the newthings is that I recieved my ordination through a church that believesthe same exact thing I do, "everyone has to right to believe andminister as they choose". My reason for doing this is so I couldlegally do what I felt called to do, become a spiritual councilor. Butthis changed me instantly because now I felt accountable,I am called toa higher standard, and where I was spiritually, it really required alotof time to figure this out. The biggest challange was trying to figureout , now that my psychic abilites were no longer seperate from myspirituality, where do I draw the line, so I go the ministry route ordo I go the 'proessional" route? Really, what it boiled down to is howI felt turning my "ministry" into a career. I've always struggled withthis, but now I made a commitment to my God. I decided to go the"ministry" route because this is where my soul truely lies. It alwayshas been. But I have to make a living to, so , in this sence, wecompromised and my "other services" are very reasonably priced. I alsohad to figure out what area my ministry would specify in. I knew itwould be a "church" type function. Obviously on-line. My kind,Christian -witches, though still in the shadows and is growingrapiidly, is still very few in comparision, so I had be able to acceptthe fact that I might be leaving out a multitude of people who may alsobe searching for their spiritual path. Needless to say, this had becomevery complicated,lol. But I decided to follow my heart, because thiswas MY only path back to God and I am working on my own area ofworship. One with no walls, one where I can truely guide the way I amsupposed to and without compromising myself . One that will allow me togrow in the process. I switched up the site several times and lastfinally was able to find a name and a theme that seemed to fit all thatI believe. It is called " Forest Temple - Christian Witch Circle" . Theweb-site opens up with an animated gif of a forest with a running riverthrough it and I was also divinely guided to a web-site that allowed meto slected several songs and players to add to my web-site. So eachpage you turn to will have a different spiritual song on it. I knowthat I have alot of areas to incorporate and will have to learn tobalance my abilites with spirituality, meaning I still have otherobligations to hold up to, but this has been a very important step forme and this is what I need to do for the time being. I figured that myweb-site will be up and running within the next week, in which time Ican begin integrating other things such as completeing my readings, forboth EC and Find. Lord knows how far behind I am and the one's I haveto do for the Find Me group is on a deadline for the middle of nextmonth. But I know tha the importance of this for me will only make memore connected so I can really help other's the way that i should be. Iappreciate the time you have taken to read this and I hope that thosewho are waiting for a reading will understand what I had to do. I willbe coming back shortly again to finish up the readings, I just need alittle time to get this straightened together. I feel that I amactually beginning the road I am supposed to be on and I'm beginning tofeel that I am finally getting things back on track. This test of faithhas been a long one, but at least now I have a focus. Please send yourprayers and positive energy for the Divine's will to be done on thisjourney.
I will be back shortly, I just have to get this set and reconnect with my God once again.I will send the link in the futurewhen the site is up and running, Many blessings and appreciation foryour understanding.
By Angel, 2010-12-12
I was just reading another post that is now closed. I wish it was still open so I could have responded, but I had to laugh a little because I know how this woman feels and have had alot of experiences in the same capasity as far as relationships go. I spent a long time researching the whole soul mate and twin flame thing in order to gain a better understanding of what the hell is wrong with me. She mentioned that this guy was great but was just a different "type". not the normal that she would normally relate to. I often choose men who I felt where in my " league" as well and many were abusive, jerks and losers and it took me forever to figure out why I did that. The reason why is because I always felt at the bottom of society and these guys out of my league were to good for me. Being a psychic kid wasn't cool, it wasn't fun, in fact I always that I was a freak of nature, a misfit and surrounded myself with a group of misfits because we were the outcasts that noone saw. But even then I was different. I was one of the only ones in my group that never tried meth or acid. I remember them cutting me up lines and I just shook my head, said some words and walking away. I knew early on that I was on atype of mission, but I just wasn't sure what. I went through alot of relationships. lol, casual dating? I don't even know how to do that. I was always so deep, so the relationships I got into, I always went into on a deeper level. The first few months were always good and either they would turn into abusive a**holes or they would high tail it in the opposite direction. Sometimes it would happen after the first meeting. I felt like quazimoto on the HUnchback of Norte Dame, ugly, hideous and unworthy of any type of good relationship. It didn't help that alot of people stare at me, even to this day. Which reitified how hideous I must look. I later just chalked it up to have freaky colored eyes. They are a very light blue, green and grey and when I cry, they turn into this really bright aqua color, weird,lol. Anyway's, I was in one really , I guesse good relationship, but felt like he was trying to change me all the time. The only real relationship that I was in that I completly connected to was when I was 14, and even after time, that fizzeled in a short amount of time. The love of an empath is extremely deep, as we have the ability to dive into the depths of the soul, so we have the ability to reach into the bottom of the heart. I always sought out relationships, whether directly or indirectly having to save the person. I think I enjoyed this because it made me feel needed, appreciated and normal. Yet, because they put me through hell, it forced me to grow a tough skin and even though I hated the situation, I felt strong. I became unshakable. It wasn't until about 7 years ago when a friend of mine made a comment to me and she told me how pretty I was,lol. I just laughed because I feel she had a biased opinion. I later realized later that it was my energy. I often intimidate people because I can often see right them and making them feel that they are standing naked in front of the world. I also learned, that is what Empath's do. So I met, or should I say "remet" my husband, since I had known him for several years prior but we hadn't seen each other in 4 years. He was having alot of problems, and even though I felt a strong connection to him, again, I saw the pattern rear it's ugly head out. Turns out, soon after I saved him, he saved me. The problem is that he is everything I asked for, for the most part, there is no perfect person, but he is so good to me and the kids. It seems almost like a little cinderella story except we are broke and not rich and he's a very simple man, so not much of a romantic, at least in the sence that we see on TV. He shows his love in a different way, in more practical ways. I often tell him he is to good for me,lol. He has been there every step of my spiritual quest, I'm a psychic, an Empath, a medium who is like a ghost magnet, and through all the trials of life, through all the moodiness, confuasion, and spiritual weirdness that would send everyone else packing, he was there, and not only was he there, he supported me and still dous. Though I love him to death and can't see being with anyone else, I lost myself in this relationship. He carried me when I feel flat on my face. I have never had anyone do that before. I should be estatic, but I feel weak. I feel that on one hand my dream has come true for the perfect relationship. but I still struggle trying to figure out my own identity. I hate feeling dependent on anyone. He dousn't make me feel like a freak, he makes me feel special, but for some strnage and twisted reason feel drawn back to where I was, at least then I knew who I was and where I stood with the rest of the world. Out of all those experiences, in the past I never learned to recieive love. I never allowed anyone to really help me, because every time they did, it felt like they were taking a piece of my wall away. I always maintained control. People came to me, i didn't go to them, because by admitting my own emotional weaknesses made me feel weak and that I was going against my purpose. What I failed to realize is that we were created in a circle, like a ring, where there is no beginning and no end. Our connection, our exsistance depends on that ring being unbroken, but the ring is not whole if it is one sided.
To this day I still stuggle with finding my new identity. It's the hardest lesson i will probebly ever learn because I can't seem to identify with anything else. All i really know is pain, I've revolved my whole life around it, because I know that below the pain is hope. The depths of the soul are so deep and so dark, yet I feel most comfortable there.
As Empath's we have a tendancy to abuse, neglect and self-sabotage in order to save the living, and we often throw away the person who is sent our way to help us. We're so focused on 'the mission" that we don't see these people are part of our purpose. They remind us to take care of ourselves, they are our foundation because we are not meant to do this alone. I almost threw this realtionship on a few occasions because of my own insecurties and pride and my own issues. Before you send him away, think about why are you truely ending it. Noone knows how long they will be in your life or even a part of t his earth, nothing is ever set in stone or forever. But sometimes the least expected things happens and when we don't embrace it, we loose it, and then we are filled with regret. Make sure you are ending it because you feel it's the right thing for you, not because you have identified with one thing all of your life and these are the insecurites that you have. Before you throw it away, open your heart a little bit and make sure.... Though this has been a real struggle for me, I wouldn't change a thing. You never know where your relationship will go unless you really give it a shot.
By Angel, 2010-10-19
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't DisguiseYour Voice. !
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espre sso.
5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana'
6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
8. Specify That Your Order Is 'To Go'.
9. Sing Along At The Opera.
10. Five Days In Advance, You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
13. Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.
By Angel, 2010-10-17
By Angel, 2010-10-12
p.s. it is published under my real name because that's how they want it,lol.
By Angel, 2010-10-08
By Angel, 2010-10-07
BOP: Best Of Phoenix 2010
Besides retired law enforcement officers and canine search and rescue pros, Jerry Kelly Snyder, founder of Find Me, a volunteer organization dedicated to locating missing loved ones, has something most dont: psychics. Find Me is an organization of talented psychics, law enforcement officers and professional search and rescue volunteers from all over the world working with law enforcement and
families to find missing loved ones and solve homicides. This unique
group offers not only practical support through the expertise of
retired law enforcement, but search & rescue professionals with
canine support with certification in tracking and cadaver search.http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/bestof/2010/award/best-psychic-detective-group-1886483/
By Angel, 2010-10-03
I have had alot of dark moments in my life, but there were a couple of times that no matter how hard i try to connect with God, it feels like I'm screaming as loud as i can yet noone's listening, or when he dous intervene , it feels so minimal. During those time of darkness I feel like the black sheep that get's rescued for the moment and left all alone again. My darkest hour was when i married my first husband. It's hard to explain but the moment I said I do, I swear something lifted off of me, and I KNEW, i screwed up. Not to say there weren't any warnings. i really didn't want to marry him, but the pressure from him, my parents and even thinking it would help me get closer to God. Let me back up a little , my oldest father was very abuseive and tried to make me miscarry a few times while I was pregnant. I was 17 years old, emanicpated , and had noone where to go. I remember laying in bed one afternoon after work and i thought to myself, one of us is going to die and one of us will be in prison. I won't be the one to die. This thought scared me because I finally was able to see how bad it was. I was able to get out of the situation about 6 months later. I made a promise to God that I would stay celebant until I got married, I stayed true to this promise and even though I lived with my ex for a year. I remember the day we got married. So many signs. It was a small chapel with a few family members. We get there and my father walks me down this isle. The priest starts in the middle of the ceremony and almost married me off to my dad. Then my oldest cild drops the rings and finally found mine which got stuck inside of his. I should have been estatic, the day every girl dreams about right? No, not me. So we said our vows and someting lifted off of me. I can't explain it but I guesse it's like haveing your parents turn around and walk away never to see you again. Afterwards we went back to our apartment with everyone there and instead of hanging out with my new husband, I got drunk with my brother-in-law. For none years, he put us through one heel ish situaton after another. I went to a couple of churches during different times, search for God and it felt like he was no where to be found. I couldn't feel him. When my ex and I finally split up, I could feel him again. It's weird. How could I do the right thing according to all these churches , and be in a relationship that God id supposed to bless but didn't? I don't care what anyone say's, God dous not bless every marriage union. In fact, i don't even think saying "I DO' before a priest or pastor means crap. My kids and I left and traveled from one side of the country to the other with nothing. We started off in a motel room, to a shelter and then to transitional houseing. He provided everything we needed, My relationship was with God was strong and i could feel him walking beside me. I trusted him with every single fiber in my being. I changed my spiritual path in order to draw even closer to him and I was truely blessed. So why the dark time during something that was supposedly santified? and now something that is suposedly "sinful" like divorce actually blessed me? I think it was because I knew that by marring him i would be out of the will of God. But I have screwed up before and it never felt like he left me. I'm going through another one of those dark periods. Again, I knew I was makeing the wrong descion. Except this time, the signs pointed in this direction, but my heart screamed "no". Again, I feel that he has taken a step back and is allowing me to take the fall for my descion. I love this place but hate what it has become and I hate what I am becomeing. Again, my dreams becomes a nightmare. I don't think I can wait years again for God to come back and place his hand on me. I know he has sent his Angels to watch over and protect us, but I have such a hard time feeling him. Yes, i feel that I screwed up and he has lifted his hand off of me again, Maybe i take God for granted. Maybe I deserve everything that has happend to me in the last 7 months. It's like I made a choice and now it's sink or swim. It's like a veil that gets tossed over you and then I guesse when you fix it, it gets lifted off of you. But I can't fix it this time. If i could pick up and leave right now, i would. The last time we tried , we were stopped dead in our tracks. Maybe it's not location Everything seems so confuseing now. The rest of the post says to let go and let God. I did let go, but maybe I let go to much. Maybe I reach out for all the wrong reasons. Maybe this is a test to see if i would still follow or seek him and even when I don;t feel him near. I don't know the answers , but what I do know is that I am alive, and I have a wonderful family and that God is with me even if i don't feel him. Maybe it's not seeing the whole picture, maybe I'm not meant to find the answer's. or maybe i'm supposed to ask him. I took a short break a few moments ago and simply asked for him to the lift the veil. It never occured to me to ask him that, I always asked to take this nightmare away, Consciously I still don't understand but nclusion because at this moment I do feel a measure of peace and a stronger knowing feeling that he hasn't left me. I've realized within these dark cold months how much i do need him. Back then, I knew I was a child of God. I should have sunk raising the kids on my own. Maybe this is where I lost my way, when I begin to think of myself as merely a tool of God and forgot that I was also his child. Whe I became angry because I felt he turned his back on me when in fact, I probebly turned my back on him. I cried out, but I still felt no trust. I have to understand that I am not a child of the dark, but i am a child of the light and walk my path in the light, not in the shadows. I don't belong in the shadows, i never have.