By Angel, 2011-05-30
Today is the dark moon and normally a time to take a break from our busy magickal cycles. For me, I've been taking a break for quite some time and feel that this is not the time to rest but harvest the power that has been lying dormant inside for so long. As the earth follows the cycle of the year, our lives also follow cycles, unfortunately it doesn't always follow the cycle of the earth, but the cycle within our selves.
This last cycle has been dark and cold. The winter storms have been harsh as ice and snow fought to keep my soul frozen in regret, depression and fear. I often tell people to honor the winter's in our lives for they bring with them important lessons, but somehow I failed to do this myself. I spent so much time in the darkness that I forgot what it's like to walk in the light. My connection to God, to this earth and to all of it's beauty was lost.
The whole time I never saw the purpose of this, why someone must walk among the dead when they are still alive. Barely alive, yet alive still. But some of the most difficult lessons are meant to be difficult, because without the dark we could not see the light. It's these times that force us to see the things we would not otherwise see and to make choices that we would not otherwise choose, to fix what we could never see was broken.
On this dark moon I honor all the storms that threatened to destroy me over the past few years. I accept this as a gift from nature, from the one above, from the "All That Is", for through these trials I realize that I am alive, I am protected and I am powerful. I lost this when I lost touch with the sacredness of everything around me.
I know my turning point, in fact I can pin-point the day, and something within me knew the consequences, yet I still made a choice. I was torn between obligation and and my own desires. I was on top of the world doing great things to help other's. I talked to Angels, working side by side to bring people the messages of hope and love, but somewhere along the way, I no longer looked at this gift as a gift but as a tool that denied me the same love and support that was given to other's. I didn't understand why I felt that way, all I knew is that I spent much of my life alone. Even when I was surrounded by several people, inside I walked my path alone. To be called to do such beautiful and sacred work, I allowed my own jealousy to get in the way. Though I understood the need of other's and I had no problems stepping up to help, all I really wanted was to feel that the same love and compassion that they sent through me to the other people, I wanted some of that for me to. The funny thing about being an Empath is that we can feel the extent of that love being shared to others and it's such a beautiful feeling, and feeling the love God so deeply over and over again and knowing that it wasn't for me but for the other person being helped, i felt so unloved, like i was nothing more than an old rusty hammer in a toolbox that was brought out everytime someone needed something and then thrown away again.
It felt so wrong for who am I to demand anything from the God that provides everything. Yet, I became bitter. Not that I felt that I should get more, simply the same as everyone else, yet I felt like simply like a tool that was used and nothing else. Like I had a purpose, yet no significance, no individuality, like I was being used. The feeling felt wrong but the logic made perfect sense.
He sent me 3 angels, 2 Archangels and my Guardian. I saw them and felt there love, and it was for me, noone else, yet I couldn't get passed my own self to truly see it. Things changed after that day. I lost something. I was blinded by my own pain that I no longer could see the light. Nothing felt sacred anymore. Again, I was alone. Everything spiritual has gone down hill ever since.
We made a choice to move back to California. I knew it was the wrong choice but my husband needed to go back and try once again. This time we had a place to live and jobs, it should have seemed like heaven, but I was enveloped in darkness. It felt as God had taken his hand off of me and handed me over to the darker realms. I became suicidal and i called upon God so many times. Every time he sent more Angels to minister to me, yet it felt that they left as quickly as they came. I was drowning in despair. I have never been so low in my entire life. I knew other forces were playing upon my pain and this made me even more bitter and angry.
My gifts suddenly became my curse once again. I didn't have to walk in the shadows because the shadows came to me, beating me down with fear and depression. My weakest link was the spirit realm, my biggest curse was channeling the spirits of the dead, those who have chosen not to cross into the light, but to hide in the darkness being prey to the minions who weren't human. You never know what true hell is until you have experienced complete separation from God and live among the dark.
My husband and I talked the other night about this. I ask him if I was responsible for all that has happened in my old town. When I was a teen, I played a game that involved astral projection and other metaphysical things. I was unaware of my abilities at that time, or at least unaware of what they were. I knew that this area had a type of spiritual nexus or portal. Little did I know at the time that we didn't open the portal, we WERE the portals. I'll go into this story another time. But I couldn't help but to feel that we opened a door there.
I never really understood why the darkness always followed me. My first spiritual experience was when I was 5 and channeled my first spirit. The problem is that I had no idea I was doing it, until recently. this started me on my path and I felt like a target. Most mediums experience the lighter side of spirituality and the spirit realm, but since the beginning, I only experienced the dark. I know the evils that dwell there and have fought it most of my life. They wait until I am at my most vulnerable point. It's difficult to explain without people thinking I'm completely nuts,lol. But he told me that my third eye was opened in the dark and I have spent so much time seeing the dark, that I need to return to the light and to open my eyes to the light. God doesn't need to show us anything because we are a part of him and were created to already know. But the darker forces, they want me to see them. They planted a seed in me many, many years ago and this is my greatest weakness. I know this to be true what he has said.
I thought back on my life and how many times the Angels were actually there when I didn't notice. From the time of my first channel to the last night I played the game, to the multiple attacks in cali. By writing this blog now, I now see where I went wrong. I see why I became lost and now see what it is that I have actually lost. I have lost the connection to the sacred. Everything is sacred and yet I don't honor these things. They may not be sacred to other people, but these things are sacred to me. God looks at us as sacred, because he is sacred and we are his children, therefore making us sacred. We must honor not only God, but we must honor the things within us. I went through those trials because I made a choice to hang on to things that I knew would destroy me. It's not the emotions that did that, it was my unwillingness to let go and to make him prove to me his love. He has done this in so many way's, and only now have I figured this out. There is not ONE time that I can recall that he has not answered my call. Sure it may have not been what I was expecting, but he was there. This realization has allowed the ice and snow to melt around my heart and to see things as they truly are.
As a Witch, As a Mystic, As a child of the Most High God, I honor the sacred love and understanding of God, I honor the gifts he has given to me and I am willing to dedicate my life to the work that God has chosen me to do. I honor the blessings that have been given to my family and I honor the light within others as well as myself.http://emergingfromtherabbithole.blogspot.com/2011/05/sacred-act-of-god.html
By Angel, 2011-05-01
I'm not really sure what this blog will be about. Tonight I'm kind of in a solemn mood.Not happy, not sad. Maybe it's simply my souls desire to seek solitude and stillness. I've been nervous today. I know it's because of my husband's surgery tomorrow. I've been detached from the whole thing until now. In the depths of my soul I know that everything will be alright and that you will come out of it just fine. But yet I can't help to feel that today will be the last day of what I know of my life now. It almost feels as if tomarrow something will change in a significant way, but I'm not sure how. At the moment I am hiding in the shadows and have found some solitude, some refuge in my soul. A part of me wants time to stand still and to stay in this moment forever. I know that if I could stay here, you will be here with me and safe by my side. It's in this place that I can protect you and keep you safe. In this place I can handle your pain, I can handle your fear because in the midst of this solitude, fear no longer exsists. It's in this place that our souls are one.And in this place I am no longer afraid of that.
I always knew my twin was here on this earth. I knew I would find you and it wasn't until last night that I realized that it was you. My souls greatest desire was you, yet my greatest fear was loosing myself to you. I dream, I hope, I deny this reality because the thought of loosing you is so painful. Your breathe is my breathe, your mind is my mind and your soul is my soul. We are one. You've known and accepted this from the beginning, yet it has taken me years to see the bitter sweet truth. I never expected the sacrifice to be so great, and I have fought it every step of the way, but I can't deny this anymore. I never knew love could be so great, nor have I ever known the pain of loving someone. It hurts to love you not because you treat me bad, but because you love me so well.I can't loose you, to loose you I would loose my soul, my reason for being.
But in this sacred garden within the depths of my soul, nothing stands between us here. Nothing can separate us, not even fear. I can't deny my soul any longer, for by doing so I would deny you.I love you with all of my heart and my soul, baby...
By Angel, 2011-04-27
We started talking today and he told me that he was going to tell the doctor to have me in the operating room while he was in there. I started laughing because i thought it was a joke and then he looked at me and said he wasn't joking. He wasn't going to go in there unless I am by his side. At that moment all of the miles seemed to disappear. I began to see how scared and vulnerable he really is right now and of all the people, including his mom a 20 year surgical nurse vet, he wanted me with him. There's no words to describe how I feel, so many questions, so many emotions i have spent decades concealing.He needs me, but moreso, I need him. For the first time i'm sharing something with him that i never thought anyone but another empath could feel. It's a really good feeling and i feel like the luckiest woman in the world.
By Angel, 2011-04-20
i am light
(no longer caged within your cell)
(charmed spell to get rid of the woogie man)
Below is my own spell to help me rid the panic attacks i've been having
No more shadows, no more bane
no more panic no more shame
I banish your power, I banish your pain
away with your curse, away with your reign.
From this day forth i'm free of your hold
I now take back all that you stole
My passion, my power return to thee
so i may live my life happy and free.
As thy will so shall it be,
no harm or consequencw to none, so mote it be!
Thank you Halliwells for reminding my of the power within!
By Angel, 2011-01-28
For Those of You who are interested or have been working on the psychic detective groups or fields or even freelance, this is proof that these readings DO make a differance. Once in awhile you will see the fruit of your labor and anything truly is possible. Keep up the good work, because in cases like the one underneath, it dous help . Never give up!!!
Dive teams have been searching Tempe Town Lake for missing Willie Jigba, 24 since Wednesday. This morning a body was recovered from the lake.
Tempe Police Sgt. Steve Carbajal said the body has not been identified and no family has been notified.
Kristi Smith from Arizona Serch and Rescue along with Kelly Snyder founder of Find Me had five separate alerts with SAR cadaver dogs in the lake on Wednesday. Dive teams were seen in the water at the lake Wednesday and Thursday but it was Friday morning that the body was discovered.
It is unknown at this time if the body is that of Willie Jigba.
UPDATE: Body has been confirmed to be Willie Jigba
UPDATE: Four separate psychics put Willie Jigba in that water. LE confirmed that his phone pinged on the bridge after our information was submitted. Kelly Snyder of Find Me and Kristi Smith of Arizona Search and Rescue took the cadaver dogs out in a boat on the lake and on 5 separate occasions the dogs alerted to a human cadaver scent. After informing Law Enforcement they brought in a Dive Team that began searching on Wednesday late afternoon until the evening and all day on Thursday. The lead Diver woke up this morning and decided to go back out and found the body 30 feet from where Kristi Smith and Kelly Snyder had marked the area of the scent.
By Angel, 2011-01-11
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
By Angel, 2011-01-11
I FOUND THIS ON ANOTHER FORUM AND THOUGHT YOU MIGHT GET A KICK OUT OF THIS..TAMMIE, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU
Unfortunately,like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and getout. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves tobrowse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from thelocal Walmart.
Dear Mrs Shotts,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quitea commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been
forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints againstyour husband, Mr. Aaron, are listed below and are documented by ourvideo
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in anofficial voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. Thiscaused
the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimandfrom her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance,causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping departmentand told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bringpillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twentychildren obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help himhe began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave mealone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ' Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSEVOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least.......................
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paperin here.' One
of the clerks passed out.
By Angel, 2010-12-26
I was writing on my web-site. I started a page with a bio about my past concerning my abilites. Many of you read the story about how the haunted church when I was five and it totally screwed me up. I was able to recall some very important details, that I never realized before. I know what happened now and how this situation spiraled so out of control. Here is part of it.
Welcome and thank you for stopping by. My name is Angel and I am the show host and Angel Intuitive for theBlog Talk Radio Show Mystic Realm. I wanted to share a more personalside to my listen's and so I have created this page. To the right aremultiple blogs that I have written about my spiritual journey. The roadto spiriuality is always a rough road and the learning process isnever-ending.
I have been a psychic medium and empath since theage of 5. My first experience with the spirit realm was when I attendeda new church with my mother in Portland, OR. I was sitting in the mainsanctuary when I felt a presance around me. I couldn't see it but adark heavy feeling came over me and it was if I was thrown into anabysee of nothingness. I felt empty, alone and afraid.I stared out thewindow and saw a cemetary with many people gathered around crying. Isaw a man standing away from them and he looked at me. I quicklylooked away from him and towards heaven. At that very moment I becameterrified. God was going to take me away and I didn't want to go.Heaven was not a peaceful place with flowing rivers and castles likeeveryone said, it was dark, cold and void of everything.It was full ofjudgement, emptiness and pain. I felt death and at that moment, Iwalked amoungst the dead, so I knew it was all a lie. When the sermonstarted, the feeling intensified as I sat motionless as the preacherspoke. I don't recall much of the sermon, but I do remember hellfireand brimstone being part of it. "If you don't accept Jesus you willburn in hell" the preacher spoke. I felt like I was doomed. If I don'task Jesus in my heart, I will burn, but if I do, then God will take meaway to heaven and I didn't like the feeling of heaven, it was emptyand dark." When we left the church, I saw the headstones outside butnoone was standing there. ( I later realized it was a vision.) This daymy life changed and began a lifelong struggle for spiritualunderstanding. The feeling of dread and hoplessness followed meeverywhere. I lived in a state of panic and hated my life. At home, Iwas always being watched. I couldn't see who it was but I knew he wasthere, I felt him all the time. Shadows began to appear in my room andI think my mother senced them to because she was always praying in myroom. I developed alot of anxiety and phobias that were quitenoticeable. We finally moved when I was 7 and the feelings finallywent away. I soon forgot about all of it until the age of 9 when wemoved yet again to Mississippi and I was visited by another spirit. Icould not see her, but I could hear her voice. She showed me violentvisions concerning a river that was behind my apt. complex. Her voicealways comforted me and I never felt afraid when she was around . Shespoke loud yet her words were always mumbled as if she was talkingunderwater. We moved to California when I was 9 and I never heard hervoice again.
I never realized the pattern until today. It wasn't some demonic conspiracy, or maybe it was, but that's not what's important, what's important is that I channeled this spirits emotions, everything, his fears, his experience with not being crossed over, his panic of judgement, his sadness for leaving his family behind, everything. It's not real. This was HIS reality, HIS fears of judgement, HIS fears of crossing over. It was HIS sence of worthlessness and not feeling worthy to go to heaven. But I didn't understand that. It was HIS demons after him, not me. But it was that expereince that sowed the seeds of fear in me. I know this may not sound any different that the other posts, but it is,it's HUGE, because I was never cursed like I always thought I was. I was handed over to the "other side" because I was some horrible child or past karma or anything like that. See, I always saw a shadow, and even if I didn't see the shadow, I always felt his presance around me up until a couple of years ago. I never knew what it was, most of the time it stood in the shadows, and sometimes it would just reak a little havoc. I always attracted other shadows and lower realm entities and energies, and I NEVER KNEW WHY. This is why I felt the need to save all these spirits. I feel people's pain because I have always been in pain. But seriously, how much of this pain is actually mine? Why were those seeds planted to begin with? I have walked the fine line between the light and the dark because I have been on both sides. I "save" people because I walk through hell and back and heaven and back with them. I have been to both sides. It's interesting that a "fluke" a very naive and vulnerable child spent an entire lifetime searching for the truth. I never understood how I could be blessed and cursed at the same time, not why I was always attracted to the "dark". It was because I always felt like I belonged there. Why did I belong there, because HE felt he belonged there. And what he went through I believed was me, now I know it wan't me, it was him. I knew the truth was buried somewhere in that incident. But now is the hard part, undoing all of the self-destructive damage I did to myself all of these years. This isn't putting a bunch of blame on a ghost, this is simply understanding how things got so out of control, thinking this is where the panic attacks stemmed from, and now I can hopefully begin the road to healing.
Thank you everyone for helping so much. It has taken me over 32 years to get past all of this, and I feel confident that another layer of the past can be healed and I can finally take another step forward.