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IntuitiveDreamer Bill Walker

A Dose of Humor

By: Angel
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Unfortunately,like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and getout. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves tobrowse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from thelocal Walmart.

Dear Mrs Shotts,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quitea commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been

forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints againstyour husband, Mr. Aaron, are listed below and are documented by ourvideo

surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in anofficial voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. Thiscaused

the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimandfrom her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance,causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping departmentand told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bringpillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twentychildren obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help himhe began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave mealone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ' Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSEVOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least.......................

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paperin here.' One

of the clerks passed out.