I felt you today. I can't describe the feeling I felt, but from time to time it has been a reminder that there you are here and with me. That feeling always comes and goes so quickly, like a deja vu. Today it reminded me when I felt you in San Diego many, many years ago, which always brings me back to the first time I felt you, the day when I was 7or 8 and I left Oregon. I didn't really know what it was,I just know that...I knew. One moment of time, a very short moment to glimpe the feeling of, I'm not even sure, something greater then this world. I have no doubt you set it up this way for me as a compass in my life.
I'm being feeling lately a mix of emotions. Alot of people talk alot about ego, I'm not sure it's ego, but moreso thinking way to much. I have been wanting to simply stop thinking and just do. To be guided without analyzing. To know without doubt. This is how I have spent most of my life and when I started discovering who I am and what these "abilites" are, I seemed to have lost my way. I have forgotten who I am, why I am here, but most of all I have forgotten how to know I can and not worry about how I can't. You have never left me and in triumph and failure, you carried me. It's these beautiful one second moments where I remember everything and nothing all at once. I'm reminded that I am a spiritual being not just mortal. I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of being afraid. It was simple in that moment because that feeling is so strong.
I'm getting closer and closer to the day that my life changes, but I think I'm trying to hard, thinking to much. It's good to plan but I think I'm supposed to remember to trust. I could stay in that state forever and be happy. It's intoxicating. What a way to soften any hardened heart. This is my path, I know it with my entire being. I can't fail because it's exactly where I am supposed to be.
I remember now. It's like the veil of heaven and earth. Isn't that what seperates heaven and earth, simply a veil. Heaven and earth are joined which allows God and his creation to connect. It's what allows the Angels to fly freely here and to help us. Imagine for one brief moment having a glimpse of heaven and feeling it here. Some far away place being right here. There really is something greater, some dimension that is here and not here all at the same time.
I know this sounds insane, but I felt you, I felt heaven and I have felt it from time to time my entire life. I know that when I am truely seeking you, is when I feel it the most. Not when I'm thinking, or asking, and when my life is great or has gone to hell, it doesn't come when I consciously seek, it just comes out of nowhere when I don't have a thought in my head. Today it was when I was driving and I wasn't thinking about anything, and there you were. Same in Oregon when I was young and leaving the state. Same in San Diego when I was walking home from work and looked to the sky.
Damn, this is one humbling moment because I remember that feeling and it touches the deepest and darkest part of my soul. It's so humbling. In this place, pride does not exsist. There is no pain. There is no doubt. It's a feeling and no feeling. It's knowing and not quite sure what you know just something beautiful, and something great. This is my gift, my light straight from God himself to me. I'm meant to remember. I asked to be opened because after my last job, it killed my soul and I became hard. But as an Empath, it's to difficult to feel only pain, i will drown, and I don't think I'm meant to. My power doesn't come from within, it's come from above, it always has. If every person could feel what I felt for just one moment, this world would be.
It's humbling because I had no idea how much apathy I have been feeling. How selfish I really have become. This moment has tore down the walls I have raised and what exactly what I needed. You always seem to know what we need and it always seems to come at exactly the right moment. The pendulum is finally balanced once again.
I know where this started. I know exactly when it started. I didn't want to feel the way I did, but I couldn't help it. I get it now. We can't exsist on our own. We were not created to exsist on our own. We need each other, we need love, we need understanding, and we need to be reminded of who we are, but more important we need to remember we are not alone. We need to remember where we came from, that there is something greater out there and we are a part of that. We are part of this earth, but the breath of light is spirit and that spirit didn't come from here, it came from the most beautiful place out there.
The veil is wide open right now and I remember it all now. I feel the power and I remember who I am. I remember how powerful I am and I remember where that power comes from, it comes from you. I see you smiling at me. You don't feel so far away now. All the pain, everything I have been going through doesn't seem to matter, and not because I don't care in a hopeless way, it's because it doesn't matter because I can clearly see the road ahead and it's a beautiful road. The old just fell away and I am so excited about the new. I'm almost in tears right now because I finally get it! Because you touched my heart in a way that can't be explained and I feel so humbled and honored to be able to have the gifts I have and to be able to share them with everyone. Thank you so much. I hope I never get that lost again.