Psychic Development Workshop Series: Dealing with Feedback
Note: This blog entry is the last of a series on psychic development. Find the index for the series here.
Know Thyself was inscribed over the entrance of Delphi for a reason. Simply, its important to understand who you are and what your weaknesses are before you venture into the other realms. If you dont, youll soon learn! The most important thing to remember is that you dont know everything, and to forgive yourself when you trip over a weakness that you didnt realize before was there.
This, the final segment of the workshop, is something that I present for your consideration. Im a younger person I was born in 1976 and I feel like I still have so much to learn about how to deal with people in a mature, helpful way. I was raised in a severely dysfunctional householdin whichemotions were twisted and warped, andpeople dealt with their frustrations by yelling and hitting, or through passive-aggressive manipulation. After that, I entered a culturefilled withpeople dealt with their emotions through the numbness of drug addiction. And then I became a parent, and I realized that almost all of what I had experienced of relationships to that point was so, so very wrong. Im slowly learning how to be a normal, functional human being, but I still have a way to go. A long way.
I found that when I started to do readings, the work itself and the feedback that I got from folks for which Id done readings sometimes pushed certain buttons for me. My intent with this blog entry is to describe some of the things that Ive encountered along this great journey, so that you might see them coming and be prepared to deal with them in a better way than I did!
When the Feedback is Positive
Although Id always been a massive over-achiever, Id never had much positive feedback in my life. When I did readings, I was amazed at the level of positive feedback. To be honest and blunt, I started to crave it. I started to do readings for the wrong reasons. There was a short period of time in which I realized afterward that I had been doing readings primarily because the feedback I got helped me to feel good about myself, and feeling like I was worthwhile in some way was something of an irresistible drug for me. I needed the readings too much, and I started to make mistakes. It took a really unpleasant mistake for me to wake up and see what I had been doing.
It doesnt come up a lot, but sometimes youll do a reading for someone that is so tuned out from their own lives that they cant really tell you whether what youve told them is accurate or not. Sometimes, in these cases, this person will compensate with such over-the-top praise that its easy to believe that you hit the reading on the head. It doesnt at all mean that you did, however. Youll probably recognize these cases, but knowing that theyre out there may help. It can be a little unbelievable the first couple of times.
When youve done a good reading and your readee is self-aware enough to recognize it, youll receive heartfelt thanks. Most often, his/her response will be quite long, and will tell you some of the background story related to the topics that you hit upon in your reading. Often, the readee will be confused about one thing or another, or may want additional information or clarification on something. This is a sign that you probably did a great job. After you give yourself a hearty pat on the back, learn from the types of questions youre being asked, so that you can be better with your next reading.
When the Feedback is Negative
There are two basic types of negative feedback that Ive noticed with my readings. The first is something along the line of, Eh, I dont think that sounds like me. In this type of feedback, the readee does not seem combative or upset. It would be the same reaction that you would expect to receive if you told someone that they have green hair and pink skin, and that there are only three days of the week. When something is blatantly untrue, there is no emotionality to the response. If you receive this type of feedback, I recommend giving it another try.
For whatever reason, there was a period of time in which I tended to choose the abandoned readings in the reading group, the readings that had been left unanswered for a period of time, even though others around them had been answered. It didnt take long to figure out the pattern the readings that went unanswered were generally the ones that were the toughest to deliver in a diplomatic fashion.
It will come as no surprise to you when I tell you that people often ask the same questions of the universe over and over and over, trying to get the answer that they want to hear. Often, the more people ask the same questions, the more blunt the response from the universe becomes. Sometimes the answer can even change to something false, something that will make them angry, to get them to stop asking and to take personal responsibility for their issue.
The feedback that you will get from your readee in these cases is usually laced with anger. It can take many forms, but anger is the common thread: anger with disappointment, anger with suspicion, anger with disbelief, anger with more anger, and you get the idea. When this happens, it can be helpful to have a handy checklist of reality-check questions ready. As an example, I might suggest:
- Why is this person so angry? Is he/she angry at me, or at the information in the reading?
- If she/he is angry at me, what did I do to provoke the anger? Is it warranted? Was my delivery of the information cold or judgmental? Did I deliver bad news without offering any way forward, any possible ways to go about making the situation better?
- If he/she is angry at the information in the reading, what could I have done to make the information easier to accept? Could I have chosen softer words? Could I have focused more on the positive aspects? Could I have offered some examples of times when I or others have gone through the same thing and been happy afterward?
And so on. You may be tempted to apologize for making the readee upset. I encourage you to not do that, unless you really did make a major mistake. A good alternative would be to reflect their pain back to them, like, Yes, I can tell that this upsets you. It would upset anyone in the same situation. I hope that the information here will help you to find the way forward, once youve had a chance to absorb it all. Another alternative is to admit that you are just one person, seeing a tiny part of the situation, and that although this is what you did see, you certainly dont want to say that its The Truth.
The Second Opinion
When you first encounter negative feedback, it can cause a major crisis of confidence, which can result in you wanting to give up and not do readings anymore. Please keep at it! As a last resort, a back-up alternative when you feel like you may have majorly flubbed a reading is to ask another psychic person you trust to give you a second opinion. Not all psychics are willing to act in that capacity because it violates most psychics ethics to do a reading on someone that hasnt specifically asked them for a reading, so it can be a little tricky to ask. You might be able to avoid ethical dilemmas if you ask your trusted psychic to do a reading on your reading, instead of asking for a second-opinion reading on the person you read.
A Big Thank You
To all of you that have followed this workshop to the end, thank you! I have appreciated all of your feedback and participation along the way. I expect to continue adding to the workshop as things come up, but Id say its complete in its current form. If you have any topic that I didnt address that youd like to see included, please let me know in the comments below.